|Review:||teh tarik says:|
Hiya Sarah :D
So...um...I'm not sure how to say this, but THIS. THIS is the chapter I've been waiting for. This is the chapter where you've really shown me EDIE - not just funny awkward sarcastic Edie who has a oneliner for every situation but a more vulnerable side of her - a more poignant side of her beneath all the sarcasm and caustic comebacks. And more amazingly, you've still managed to keep the tone of the chapter funny and awkward. Funny and awkward and moving and just brilliant. That's how I'd describe this chapter. So anyway...Edie losing her job, and partly because of her own doing :( That really struck a chord with me, me being *cough* unemployed, having been made redundant a few months ago. When I read that part, I was half-expecting Edie to just storm away angrily, and lose herself temporarily in some long ranty internal monologue which of course would be very hilarious (well, you know Edie...) but you gave us so much more. You've really taken this unemployment issue and approached it so realistically, and shown how badly it affects Edie - losing a rubbish job like that, even if it IS a job she's been complaining about and all.
There are these lines / paragraphs and they're so wonderfully written - I'm not sure if you realise just how moving they are (sorry I'm going to quote an entire paragraph back to you :P ):
"I pause at the heavy wooden door. I've worked at The Poisoned Apple for almost three years. It was a shoddy job with often seedy customers, but it paid the rent. This dingy little pub was where I'd reunited with Dean and Seamus after being no more than acquaintances at Hogwarts. We'd gotten into an argument about the Holyhead Harpies that resulted in a shouting match and a broken pint glass. It was where I'd had my last drunken snog, albeit some time ago. And where I thought I'd met Viktor Krum, and had actually met Oliver Wood.
I think I'll take the long way home tonight. "
Oh, this is just so beautifully written. Add any more to it and it would've become a little too sentimental for Edie, but now, as it is, every word is so perfectly placed. And that last gut-wrenching sentence. Just...wonderful. ♥
OK, and of course, Oliver Wood. And BAHAHAHA HIPSTERZZZ! JACK KEROUAC! HIPSTAZZ! DRAGONSKINE BOOKS! SEPTUM PIERCINGS! Even in Edie's state of distress there's all this brilliant wit and humour and all her wry observations and sociocultural commentary (or whatever it is...not sure if that is the right term).
The two parts of this chapter really fit together nicely by the way. If there hadn't been that touch of angst from the first part, I don't think the conversation between Edie and Oliver would have turned out so wonderfully. And just like how you've totally pushed Edie to her limits here and showed a different side of her, so you've also managed to surprise me with...not-drunk and not-too-socially-awkward Oliver. He's a little slicker here, a bit more confident, maybe because he realises that Edie isn't having the best of days or maybe he's getting used to her presence or maybe he just realises that she's probably more awkward than him or something I don't know what but whatever it is I LOVED this scene. So much development! And then of course, towards the end, both of them stumbling over their own words - first Edie with the Friday night, and then Oliver with his "She and I didn't accomplish much the other night" on Rose...BAHA, OK whatever, I'm boarding this Ediver ship along with the whole band of your other reviewers.
Ooh, and the two way mirror thing was really neat. I think you explained them in the previous chapters as well, but here I think you included some lovely and very unique detail about casting charms on them so the mirrors between two people will only link if you've met the person and enjoyed talking to them. Ahem. Oh, that's very subtle indeed!
OK, finally, that last sentence: The door shuts behind me, silencing the last hanging guitar chord, the applause and Oliver Wood's stupid brown eyes. Oh Edie ♥ She's back!
Anyway, well, brilliant chapter, really. Things have just...got a lot trickier for Edie, but also a lot more interesting :D You did a fantastic job with this. It's your best written chapter yet. So whatever you're doing, keep at it! Looking forward to more :DDD
Author's Response: THIS REVIEW OH MY GOSH I DON'T EVEN
I was worried about showing too much sentiment with Edie; part of her character is that she's really emotionally dense at times, and doesn't know how to talk about feelings, etc. So I really wanted this chapter to be written well enough that it could have been said by her. I'm so glad you liked it, you have NOOO idea how much I admire your writing, so hearing it from you is just--GAH! So amazing.
HIPSTAAAZ!!! hahaha. I think I'm just becoming bitter, because the city where I live is entirely too trendy (this coming from somebody with a liberal arts degree/vegetarian/art museum person). So I just wanted to poke some fun. I'm glad you caught the Dragonskine thing ;D
Thank you!!! I'm so glad the scene with Oliver turned out well. I wrote it and re-wrote it and something just wasn't clicking, because first he was beeing TOO awkward, and then he wasn't being awkward enough, and finally he just started cooperating with me, and I think that he and Edie mesh together quite well (although I'm a bit biased.) I think the main reason that he got so snippy was because she was being kind of a jerk to him, and I did NOT want this to be the situation where the girl is always angry and says mean things and is slapping the guy, but he just follows her around anyway. Oliver got snarky because she started it ;D
Oh yes. I was trying to be quite subtle with the mirror thing... glad you picked up on it! haha. I originally had said something like "I don't want to contemplate why the mirror was letting me talk to Oliver" but was like NO NO NO NOT SUBTLE ENOUGH WRONG WRONG WRONG *perfectionist fist-pound* So I was hoping some readers would notice it, and others wouldn't ;D
Thank you so much for this amazingly wonderful review. I feel like I could never write a response that's even halfway worthy of it--thank you SO SO SO much.