Hi again. I don't know what happened with my last review. An entire middle section was left out. I didn't have any of the characters that would have deleted it, and it only deleted the middle. Weird. Anyway, I wanted to post the whole thing. Lucky I wrote it on Pages so I still have it :).
I used to think you were my go to when I needing something that would twist my brain up and make it think. You still are that, but you really, really are branching yourself out. It's so awesome and I'm going to try and complete this review without my typed letters turning green from envy.
This is the lightest piece I've ever read of yours. Diamonds into Coal is a romance, but I'd say it's far from a fluffy one. And it shouldn't be. You've kept your perfect skill for descriptions and details with this, but you've toned it down a lot. You let the story take front and center here, and describe what needs to described with the perfect bit and leave out your more complex imagery.
The dialogue is what stood out at me most in this chapter. Not only does it flow perfectly, but without dwelling on the characters much you've somehow already made their voices feel different to me. I got more of a light, easy going feel from Dom, she was there and she was happy to be there. And I got a much more annoyed feel about it all from Dracy. You obvious made that clear through her getting ready process, but you also kept her sentences more clipped and impatient.
She seemed really excited about Lorcan's news, so I think it's easy to tell that she does like her job. Of course she wants the raise, but she also seemed pleased about writing the article and working alongside Dom. She also seems like she has as much sweetness as sarcastic dry humor. She greeted the Squib kindly, was polite to her coworker (and friendly enough to have lunch with her sometimes) and though she clearly didn't like the perfume, she was again polite in her refusal.Obviously you know all this because you wrote it, but I just really like the balance you're building with her. She seems like a genuine person who might not be head over heels with what she's doing as a career just now (maybe she wants more serious journalism than Witch Weekly?) but I do think she likes it just fine. I also liked the added detail about her trying to save apparation for emergency only. It seems unrealistic that everyone would just love using it all the time. Just life flying.. some people don't even feel their in the air, others spend the entire time trying not to vomit.
Okay, I have to move on to Lorcan. hahaha. Can I just spend a few minutes giggling about him in being this role, please? I love your cast so far. He seems like the annoying boss that probably threatens to fire her all the time, but is never going to.
I think you're doing an excellent job with the humor, by the way. (sorry this review is kind of jumpy, I started out as reviewing as I went along then got into it then started back tracking and just got sort of jumpy). Darcy has a bit of dry sarcasm, but you don't over do it at all. I get annoyed by the, trying too hard to be eccentric, sort of humor on characters and you definitely didn't get close to that.
I'm so happy you're starting work on this. It's something of yours that is easy to just slip into, and not all your pieces are styled like that. Not that they aren't all amazing, but some are written with the purpose of making you think, making your mind really step up the action. And I love that, but I also love that this is something that I can just slip into, enjoy, and laugh along with.
It's happening. The ink is starting to turn green. Well, at least on my end. You really are such an insanely diverse author.
I really enjoyed the start, and can't wait to follow this!
Author's Response: Hey, thanks again for coming by :)
This is definitely new territory for me. I have to admit, I'm a little jealous of those on the site who can write fun, fluffy, humorous pieces so well. I find it difficult because I'm used to, as you said, dealing with complex emotions that usually end up being dark. While this was a challenge, it was also fun, and it was nice not having to monitor my warnings and ratings quite so closely :)
It's good that the dialogue worked well. There's a lot of back-and-forth in this story, and it makes me worried that maybe it's too dialogue tag heavy or just monotonous. Please do let me know if that happens!
I'm happy that you like Darcy! I think you've got her characterization down well. She sees the magazine as a job more so than a career at this point, a means to an end, but that doesn't mean that the idea of a promotion doesn't excite her. She's very down-to-earth and doesn't get as wrapped up in the glamour of the industry as, say, Dominique or others. As you'll see, she has little patience for the dramatics of models, too! Oh, and Lorcan! I'm glad you like him. I feel like he's so underused, and so I wanted to give him a teeny role in this story, just to add some humor.
I know exactly what kind of humor you're talking about, and it seems to be a plague in next-gen. It grinds my gears, too, so I really wanted to keep away from the outlandish and zany and just make this seem more realistic.
Thanks so much for your compliments. I really pushed for diversity with both of my new pieces, and I'm glad that came through for you. Chapter two will be up tomorrow, dear :)
Thanks again for your lovely review!