This was a really interesting start to a story. Usually in James II/OFC fics, they tend to border on the line of cliche. And that's usually my number one thing that I say when I review one of them - don't allow it to become cheesy. But I think you've done a really wonderful job of staying away from all that and making this story your own. Every element was unique, and it's very rare that you read about James and the OFC not being at Hogwarts together.
James in this story was also a very different James from the one I'm used to seeing. He wasn't the silly, goofy boy with a penchant for trouble (at least not yet) and it was really quite refreshing to read about. Again with the cliches, I know, but often the next-generation boys, the Potter boys especially, become characters written almost like the first James Potter, or the classic Marauders-era Sirius, and it was interesting to read about him as someone separate from that. Now, we don't know much about him, but that just makes me want to know more, so wonderful job there.
Some of the dialogue scenes seemed a touch choppy to me, so I would watch out with that. It's not that they were bad or anything, but just that they're words and interactions didn't seem to flow together all that much. It's mostly just in the middle-ish area, where her father first begins talking to James, that they grew a little disconnected for me. Nothing major, as you have a lovely writing style and her thoughts in the background countered well against that, but just something that I would take a look at if I were you - it sort of distracts from the cohesiveness of the rest of the story.
Other than that, I thought this was a really unique fic that I can't wait to read more of. You did a lovely job with characterization, especially in the little snippets we saw of James, and it made me intrigued to learn more about them. The character I'm most interested in is Richard, so I hope you'll be doing some flashback scenes or including him somewhere in this story, because the mentions of him really caught my eye. I'm also very intrigued by Emylina - her thoughts were written very well, and she stood out to me as a strong character, but also someone who has had a streak of very bad luck and is getting dangerously close to that breaking point.
Keep up the wonderful work with this story! And keep it as wonderful and unique as it has been this far, because I would hate to see something so intriguing and interesting fall into the dangerous James II/OFC category that seems to all just mash together into one giant cliche. But just based on this first chapter I really can't see that happening any time soon, so I'm very excited to read on.
Author's Response: Hey Molly!
I am so glad you liked this! I know there are many James II/OC fics out there so I tired to make my James a lot different than the others mostly since I dont really like reading about him being completely carefree.
There was another side to James I Potter, the side who faced the war and all of the other bad stuff. I just want to show James II in a different POV but still not losing his POtterness :P
I'll try my best to keep from falling into the cliche! Hopefullly I can manage it haha.
Yay you liked Emylina! She is quite impassive really. She cares she really does but she has kinda learned tht showing emotions doesnt really get you anywhere :P
I can't wait to write more about her :D she is a really fun character to write for and im glad you thought I did her justice =)
Thanks for the review! It really helped me alot