Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ChaosWednesday says:
Hey, it's Whiskey from the formus!

I really liked the first chapter, so I couldn't resist and read the second as well! I hope you don't mind if I merge the reviews for both into this one?

Ok, first of all, I just love the light tone. After the river of sad and angsty fics I've come accross lately, something like this was a great change.

Although I usually stray as far away from new gen fics as the internet will let me, I found this one quite engaging. The first chapter especially made me chuckle. Your main character has an engaging, funny and sympathetic narrative voice. Although a lot can go wrong when inserting the characters thoughts directly into the text, you seemed to do well, for example here "Why did I even bother? No body ever believes you have a friend." Or this: "There is something very wrong when a man has a hospital on their speed dial." It made me smile, anyways!

Although the plot is very, uh, Hollywood romantic comedy i.e. basically a summation of awkwardness and crazy coincidences, the fast-paced narration and the Nelissa's comments make it still quite enjoyable and entertaining.

I like that she isn't on some carreer trip and that she doesn't even much care for Quidditch. And it was a great touch that you had her just up and leave the press conference to go drinking! I'd do the same :D

If I could offer some CC, though, I'd advise you to comb out some of the Muggle things, For example, you have her say "for Christ's sake" and a few other things. I don't know her background, but I suppose being a witch would not really support the habit of saying that? Also, some more magical things, besides apparating, would embed the story more deeply in the HP universe.

Ok, well I hope I could help! Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thanks!
If you liked it enough to read the second chapter as well that's great. It's really light and funny, I don't think I could never put angst in this.
I wanted to start it off light and the main characters in a situation that isn't really funny, but turns funny because of their reactions. I'm glad what I intended Nelissa's voice to be came through perfectly. And that her thoughts fit well. I was a little worried about how that would read.
The plot is a little cliche. But I want Nelissa to try and make it seem less so. If I can then I've achieved something.
Nelissa likes her job, just not what she has to write about. She doesn't care for Quidditch. It's just a way for her to keep a job. And I think if I were here I'd just get up and leave - I think it's part of me I threw in there.
I think I'm going to edit when it's all up and throw some more magical things and phrases in there. Thank you for the advice.
Thanks! :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net