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Review:AlexFan says:
Sorry it's taken me so long to get to you with this review. I'm here though!.

I'm giving you a heads up right now but you need to check for grammar and punctuation because no matter how small they are, they'll jump out at a reader. I know that they jump out for me.

You should make sure that you don't switch verb tenses because it can confuse a reader. In the beginning you started out using present tense but then you switched to past.

You've got an awesome idea and there aren't many stories with plots like this (actually, I'm pretty sure there's only one where there are three possible fathers).

The chapter was really short but there were lots of descriptions to make up for that so it's not that big of a deal. The beginning was a little bit slow though to be honest.

Your writing flowed really well and I had no trouble reading this and the few grammar/punctuation errors didn't interrupt the flow of the writing much.

As for your characters, I don't know them much. I realise it's the first chapter but even in the first chapter you usually get an idea of what the character is like and what they're personality is like. You know something about them. I just didn't feel like I knew Ally, there was nothing there that I could've looked at and had an idea about what type of person she would be.

I don't know Ally's thoughts, I don't know her feelings, I don't know ANYTHING about her.

Anyway, it good job on the first chapter! See ya!

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks for the heads up!!
Whoops, I forgot to edit that when I checked over the chapter. I'll make sure I change it right away :)

Thanks and that was one of the reason's this plunny came to me.

Thanks for the CC, I'm off to re-write to see if I can add some more about Ally in, like her thoughts and feelings.

Thanks for the review and CC, they're very helpful. :D

-Potterfan310
Soph :)


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