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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
This is amazing. I don't know what else to say, not anything that's cohesive beyond "zomg so cool!" because that's what first came to mind while reading this story. It's original and refreshing, not to mention beautifully written, with an attention to all five senses that wholly immerses the reader within the tale. The descriptions in this opening chapter have me seething with jealousy because, with them, you simultaneously explore both setting and character, allowing Cedric's thoughts to carefully guide the narration in a fantastic example of "showing". And it also captures the feeling of being a patient, physically trapped, but mentally wandering. It creates an interesting effect that fascinated me throughout this chapter.

I'm interested in how you'll continue to build this alternate universe. You've introduced tidbits here, just enough to pique my curiosity because, apart from the date, this still feels canon. Cedric's desire to help in the war effort and the way that you describe it perfectly suits his Hufflepuff character - he's not in it for glory, but because he feels that he has a duty to contribute. I liked the added incentive of the pretty nurses too because it made him human - he has ideals, but he's still an adolescent boy. This human quality is also reflected in the narrative's focus on the physical, the bodily - the wounds and suffering that go along with war. You immediately remind readers of the cost of war with the details you include about his injuries and how they occurred. They really weren't prepared for that kind of warfare, and you portray its horrors in the most effective (and affective) way. You've captured the history of this alternative universe in just the right way, and that's what I love to see in these kind of stories.

This first chapter makes me want to read on - there's still a lot more readers have to learn, not just about the universe in which this version of Cedric exists, but about how Cho will enter into the equation and how the plot will develop from here, particularly with that magic potion. It's one of those wonderfully creative stories that still give hope that fanfiction still has the potential to do new things. I'll be on the lookout for the next chapter of this fantastic story! :D

Author's Response: Hi Susan! I'm so happy to see you :)

Aww, great! I'm glad you're intrigued and really like the concept here. I thought it was interesting and definitely different from the norm. You know I love "show, not tell," so it's great to hear that you felt like I accomplished that with the limited perspective and imagery. The whole story isn't written like that, but I thought it would be a neat way to begin.

I felt like Cedric was a natural fit for a soldier. He's young, handsome, adventurous, and talented. Like you mentioned, he's a normal guy who likes cute girls and an active life.

You're right about the injuries. I knew this would have to be Mature because it is tough subject matter at points and the injuries are going to continue to show up, not just for Cedric but also for others around him. War takes its toll in a number of horrifying forms. That's where the desperation comes in--like you said, they're dealing with unfamiliar weapons and the outer limits of human cruelty, and they need to find a solution. I wanted it to be a love story, but not just that.

Cho will make her first appearance in the next chapter, which should be up on Saturday. Hopefully you'll get a chance to check it out :) Thanks so much for this really lovely review!


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