Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey it's patronus_charm here with your review!

I thought the start was great, as it was rather unusual so it made you want to read on. I also liked how you jumped straight into the story, and then went back to add some description, and background info, as that was a really good idea, and I've never seen that done before, but I thought it worked really well:)

It had a very unique feel to it, especially by the fact that they were using magic openly, and the setting itself is very different, and makes you wonder where it is in relation to the rest of the magical world.

The flashback itself was interesting as it helped you understand more of her character, and learn about where she's come from, and how that's formed the present her.

The ending itself was rather unexpected, and I'm guessing that this 'Richard' is one of the Potter boys, probably Albus as he seems like more of the nicer one, who would offer to do that. Ooh then if she falls in love with James there'll be a lot of tension and drama - exciting stuff!

I did notice at times that some of the wording was a little awkward and could be improved at times to make it more conversation. Here's an example - Difference was that before my father had made sure no one would show it - just by adding a the in front of the difference, makes it sound so much better!

There were also a few grammar errors, so perhaps a beta will help. I have one myself as I tend to miss those a lot, and she's lovely so it is definitely worth thinking about :)

Aside from the CC's I thought this chapter was great, as it felt very unique, and unusual and it excited me to find out what happens next, so a good job, Kiana :)

Author's Response: Hey Kiana! I edited out a lot of the grammar errors and stuff today actually and just reposted the chp so maybe that will help with alot of the clinks and stuff.

I am glad you liked the flashback and the story line itself!

Thanks for the review!!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 608
Submit Report: