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Review:adluvshp says:
Hi! Here for your requested review. I am sorry for the delay! Due to lack of time, I'll only be reviewing this one chapter but feel free to re-request for future chapters. Anyway, lets get on to the main review =)

Firstly, I'd like to say that I love your plot concept! There are very few stories out there that focus on Angelina, so this is a unique and interesting perspective. I like that you have started the story with the war scenario, and have highlighted Angelina's courageous attitude. I think you have portrayed her very aptly, and I loved reading her =)

I also like your depiction of Fred and George, they seem to be a little mellowed down as compared to canon, but I guess that's okay. The little something that you show between George and Angelina is really nicely done too - it doesn't come across as a main element just yet, but its there, and that's how it should be in first chapters of stories!

The ending was particularly powerfully moving (at least for me) since Fred says "see you then" when he'll actually die, and then Angelina being unable to smile back is so sad. It's a very brief moment, but its powerful, and I love powerful endings to chapters, so great job!

Although your main plot focuses on Angelina, and her relationship with George, and there is no doubt that you have captured both these things very well in this first chapter itself, I'd have liked to see a little more development in the other minor characters. Maybe some more detail and description on them would have added a nice touch to the overall scenario, that's the one CC I have.

The grammar was also quite off in a lot of places in the story, especially your sentence phrasing, so I'd suggest getting a beta to look through that for you, as many times choppy awkward sentences can disrupt the flow of the story.

But apart from that, this made for a very good read. I liked your over all plot, the way you introduced all your characters, the characterisations of George, Angelina, and Fred, and the glimpse we get into George/Angelina's relationship. I think it was all very well done. The pace also seemed to be fine, and except for the off-sentences here and there, the flow was more or less okay.

I enjoyed reading this, so good work! Keep writing!
Feel free to re-request!


P.S. I hope the review didn't disappoint you. I usually would give more detailed reviews, but I am running short of time, so apologies once again.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this review, I'm glad that you were able to find the time. :D
I think its a shame that there aren't more stories that focus on Angelina. She's such a strong character and there are some great things you can do with her but thanks so much for enjoying her! :D She's pretty hard to get right and I struggled quite a bit so I'm glad that you were able to get into her personality and all that.
You know, I might have done Fred and George more mellow on purpose to contrast what was about to happen. They seemed like an optimistic pair to me so I didn't want them to be really dark, not just yet. :(
Oh, that ending! I'm so sorry! I know alot of people said that they got sad at that "See you then" but we all know what's going to happen to Fred! Oh, the feels! Angelina not being able to smile back also just made my stomach knot a little. :(
The feels! *Runs away*
Ooh, so many chops and such, eh? I'll have to go through and edit those! I'd been meaning to but I've been really busy so that's my fault. This is the second fanfic that I ever wrote and my style has changed so much and I've improved a bunch since this. But I'll go through and change the CC's you gave me, thanks for pointing them out, I really like to hear what I should do to make the flow and pace better. :p
I rush in my writing and sometimes it comes across! :(
But anyway, I will go into more detail on my minor characters, that always sort of bugged me. Thanks for reading this though, it means a bunch! I'll re-request soon-ish, I've got a butt load of stuff on my plate and I'm not quite full. :p
Thanks again!
No worries on this review, it was lovely regardless! Good luck with your busy life!
Much love,

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