Hey, I'm here with your requested review! :) (So sorry it took me forever, I've had a crazy month! :O)
Oh my goodness this was so sad! I can't imagine what Vic was going through just by being cheated on, but by being cheated on with your sister? That's terrible! I have two sisters who are a year and then 2 years younger than me and I couldn't imagine having to go through something like that.
I loved the way you had Vic be the nosy big sister and read the letter. As the oldest out of my sisters, I honestly don't know if I could pass up something like that either :P It really made me relate to her in that aspect, which is good because being able to relate to characters is something huge I look forward to in stories!
This line really got to me...
"Victoire's hands shook. It was as if a knife had pierced her heart. Coldness gripped her soul and her mind felt disconnected. The words danced in front of her eyes and jeered at her as her vision became blurry. Never before in her life, had she felt so out-of-control, so helpless, so clueless, so vulnerable."
You had such wonderful description throughout the whole story, but I really liked this moment because you got to see how raw her emotions were and how truly angry and hurt she was.
The part where she truly broke down and was screaming at Dom really got to me :/ Even though Dom was just as wrong as Teddy for this, I felt really bad for her. Losing a boyfriend/fiance is one thing, but losing your own flesh and blood to something like this.. well, it would be unimaginable for the both of them. I do believe that Dom really did feel sorry and terrible for what she did, but I'm also glad Victoire found out before it was too late. It's really amazing that you were able to make me feel sorry for the both of them in this piece. I'm having internal conflicts trying to decide if Vic should forgive Dom or not and I can think of valid reasons for her to either forgive or not forgive her... (could there possibly be a part 3 to this?? :P)
Ah, I found another line that I really liked!
"Dom stretched out her hand to touch her sister's shoulder, but Victoire turned around and disapparated with a loud crack, leaving her sister to merely grasp thin air and cry in anguish."
That was so powerful! Having that happen to you would be the equivalent of 10 doors being slammed in your face and I bet it was a huge punch in the stomach and eye opener to Dom. I just couldn't even imagine. Gah!
Ahhh Teddy, what a jerk... I can't believe he would to that to Vic. Did he honestly expect to get away with all of it? I'm very proud of Victoire though, sticking to her true nature. I know a lot of people who have gone back to their cheating significant others and it never works out the same, so I'm glad she took the high road and dumped him.
I thought the plot was very interesting and it definitely grabbed my attention right away. It flowed really smoothly for being such a short story and I didn't find any spots where I was left wondering about anything plot-wise. :)
I really liked your characterization of the three of them, especially Victoire. Her personality totally shone through the story and I liked how she went from happy and bubbly to in shock and despair. It showed how much she loved Teddy and how betrayed she felt.
The only thing I can think of that I would say to improve on would be able to add a little more description about the characters like hair color, age, and physical appearances. I know this is a sequel to another story and that you probably have those details in the first part, but it would be nice to have them in this story too, for people who haven't read the other one :) other than those details, I thought this story was great and I'm so glad I got the chance to read it!
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! And I don't mind the delay =)
I am glad you liked this, and could feel Victoire's pain. Its good to know that you could relate to her too, I know big sisters can be nosy haha :P
I put in a lot of effort in writing the paragraph right after Vic reads the letter so I am pleased to know that you really liked that moment, and also the one where Vic is screaming at Dom. My aim was to make you sympathise with both the sisters so I am glad that it worked. As for part 3, I am not sure yet xP
Ah, you're right, poor Dom, when Victoire just apparated on her, it did feel like slamming 10 doors on her face, but seeing it from Vic's POV, she was so hurt it was justified.
I wanted to show Victoire as the strong one who wouldnt forgive Teddy for this awful deed, unlike Dom who was weak enough to allow the affair to happen in the first place.
Its great to know that you found the plot interesting, and found it to flow smoothly without having any gaps.
I am happy to hear that you liked my characterisations, and Victoire's emotions.
Thanks for your comments, I'll see what I can do about those details.
And Thank you so much for your wonderful review =)