Kiana! I saw your status on the forums and decided to give your story some love :) And I'm glad I did! I like a good nextgen romance, and I think this is shaping up to be a fun read.
I really like the way you start the chapter, getting right into Rose's tough internal conflict. You just immerse us into the action right away, and that's a fun way to start a story. The only thing I might change about that first section is when you start using "you" in the general sense. For instance, when you say, "No one can understand what you're going through..." if it were me, I would phrase it, "No one can understand what I'm going through." And so on. Does that make sense? These thoughts are very important to Rose; using "I" instead of "you" would give her more ownership of them, and make them even more personal.
The flashbacks are easily my favorite part of this chapter. I love everything about the sorting scene, especially the fact that you place Scorpius in Ravenclaw. It seems like a neutral-ground kind of house, and maybe that signifies a new direction for the Malfoy family. And I love how nervous you made Rose and Scorpius about their house, and what their families will think.
And then in the second flashback, they decide not to care what their families think anymore. I just love that! They're taking control of their own lives. And that kiss scene was so adorable, just the right amount of fluff :)
I might add a little more lead-up to the second flashback, though. I love the scene itself, but it seemed to come very abruptly. Maybe ease into it a little more somehow, by delving deeper into her emotions when she hears Scorpius is moving back to London?
Now I'm wondering what could have happened to Scorpius and Rose, since they seem like they'd be such a good couple. I guess I'll have to read on! Nice job with this opener, Kiana!
Author's Response: Hey Maggie, it's so lovely to receive a review from you, as I haven't seen you around for a while!
Yes Rose is suffering from some internal conflict, with her impending marriage, and being a child of 2/3 of the Golden Trio, is a lot harder than most people make it out, as she's not allowed to fail really! I agree with you about the use of you, as I think it would make it more personal, and allow the reader to feel as if they are perhaps being directly addressed.
I'm glad that you liked the flashbacks, as I was a little worried about them, as they can go bad so easily. I agree with what you mean about Ravenclaw being neutral, as it's a new start for both the Weasley and Malfoy families, and I guess having Rose and Scorpius unites them, and shows they're not in fact very different.
I guess that's also shown in the second flashback, as it's a new era really, where blood and family status is not as important as it was prior to the war. I'm glad that it was too fluff filled, as I thought it was, as kiss scenes are so hard to!
Yes I do agree that it would work better if there is more of a lead up to the second flashback, as it is rather abrupt. I didn't think of adding in her feelings, but that is a good idea, so I'll go back and it in:)
I've written nearly all of the chapters for once, except for the final one, so I'm still deciding in my head what happens to Rose and Scorpius, I'll guess that you'll have to wait and see;) Thanks for the lovely review Maggie!