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Review:Jchrissy says:
Tori was spotted! That's no good! Well, I guess that depends who're asking ;).

Okay, you had A LOT in this chapter. I think you're doing a good job continuing to really give Charlie her own personality. She did seem a bit flatter in this chapter than the others, but that was probably because we were always around at least a few of her friends. So that makes sense that they'd stand out a bit more.

I liked the bit about Scorpius and Rose. It was fun to see the things going on outside of Charlie's interesting situation and see a bit of the canon characters.

I also really am getting curious about Albus and James. I don't think two brothers could turn on each other the way these two have just over a girl, so I'm curious to see the full story behind it.

For some reason I felt like this chapter drug on a bit, and I haven't felt like that with your chapters before. I'm thinking it may have been because there was a ton of dialogue and not much description. Turning the Quidditch section into paragraphs instead of just the one line thoughts she's having might help that and give us enough so that it doesn't feel like it's dragging at all by the time we get to the end :).

You still have a ton of interesting plot lines that I'm loving, and I can't help but become so enthralled with wondering WHAT HAPPENED TO TORI! haha

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I always love your reviews, because every time they are so helpful and insightful!

Thanks for all the advice you gave me. This chapter was actually a bit of a struggle to write, as I was trying to slow down the pace a bit, so I'll definitely take what you said into consideration!

Thanks again

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