Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!

I quite enjoyed the change in POV, as it was nice to see the story from another perspective, and I'm glad that you stated who was narrating at the beginning of the chapter, otherwise that may have lead to confusion!

I also thought your description has improved a lot since the previous chapter, as you seem to be taking greater care on describing little details, not focusing on the action, which makes a better story.

I did find it a little unrealistic over how close her and Albus were though, as I thought they were supposed to be enemies, and now all of a sudden they're dancing, flirting and comforting one another, so perhaps if you added some detail on her opinion of him, we can understand that a bit more:)

Hmm, so the mystery man was Fred then? I liked the mystery, as I was narrowing down who the person was, unfortunatly I was wrong, but hey it was fun to do at least! Fred does seem rather dark, for a Weasley, especially one who's father's George, but I guess that's the great thing, when someone changes a character which doesn't fit with your usual perception of them, so you can see them in a new light!

I noticed a could of typos in the story, such as misspelling Malfoy when stating the POV, these are easily fixable with a another read through:) I also noticed some puctuation errors, such as places missing apostrophe's and comma's, but they're easy to add, so it's nothing major to worry about!

Overall I thought this chapter was a big improvement on the first, it's just you need to keep an eye on your spelling and grammar really, perhaps getting a beta might help? Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

Thanks for doing this again!

Okay so Saph doesn't hate Al. She doesn't hate the Potters. Amber just hates James because of personal reasons. So maybe that could help you understand?

Yes it was Freddie my main man! :P Yah I hav alot of things planned for Fred, which is nothing like he is normally described :P

Though Jamsie will kinda be like what he is described... What can I say? I just love James as a replica James Sr. haha

Oh! Thank you for pointing that out! I'll try my best to keep those down.

Thanks alot for doing this=) It was really helpful!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 572
Submit Report: