Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hey, here for review swap!

I have to say, I think you've improved on characterization a lot in this chapter. I got a much better feel for Sapphire's character in this than I did for Amber's character in your first chapter. I think I'll like her. She seems very sharp and serious, especially in the first section with Fred. I'll be interested to see how that situation unfolds.

Fred seems very different from how I would have imagined him, which is cool. He's very suave and cool, and clearly a ladiesí man. I usually see James characterized that way, so you've got an interesting twist on next gen traditions.

I couldn't help feeling confused when Sapphire first started talking to Fred, though, because you didn't give us his name until the very end of their exchange. Mystery is great up to a point, but you want to be careful not to let intrigue turn to frustration for your readers.

Also, I was so confused about names in this. Sapphire goes by Vi in chapter 1; which one is it? And does Amber go by Amber or Ruby? If it were me, I would pick one and stick with it when it comes to names.

Overall, though, I think this chapter is an improvement on the first, and I'm excited to see this story keep getting better! Thanks again for the swap!


Author's Response: Heyy Maggie!

First, I'll be getting to your review tomorrow! Promise! haha I like to go through with my swaps :P If I forget plz feel free to message me on the forums and yell LOL.

I am glad you liked this! I had a hard time writing about Saph cuz I needed her to be different than Amber and now I am glad you realize that she is different.

In the next chapter the whole name thing will be explained in intricate details no worries!!

Thank you=) Im really glad you liked it!!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 923
Submit Report: