Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:peanuts11 says:
I definitely love where this is going.

Rose's love for Scorpius seems so innocent and sweet but I can't wait to see how she is with Xander.

It opens a whole host of questions about her relationship with Scorpuis and Xander. Personally, I hope that she's just having doubts about marriage and so she's reminiscing about a simpler time when love was easy because sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side.

I really love the way you jump from flashback to present day in a way that takes that reader with you so it's not disconcerting.

I also really like Rose's rational character. You do it in a way that's really clever because she knows she's rational and is supposed to be logical so much to the point that she questions how she knows she's expected to behave.
It makes me really like her and also makes her quite 3D.

You also bring her relationships with her family to real life. Obviously in a family as big as that, there will be some members you know less than others. Other writers tend to clump the clan together as the best of friends so I like that you've taken the time to establish individual relationships.

I think you need to reread some of your sentences and tweak them a little to make them more conversational. E.g "The thing is with what if, is that" I think that it could be easier to read by writing "The thing with what if, is..."

To be honest, you're SUCH a good writer that I'm just nit-picking for the sake of it. If you keep doing what you're doing, this story will be AMAZING.

Author's Response: Yes Rose and Scorpius's love is a very confusing one for her, him being her first love, and I guess the allure of stepping to the dark side by dating a Malfoy! As for Xander and her, I guess more is being revealed through out the chapters, so you learn more about the nature of their relationship!

I'm glad that you found the flashbacks worked, as I was worried about that, as I often find they can be confusing, so I'm glad that you didn't find it so!

And yes, Rose has to be rational, she's a Ravenclaw after all, and yes she does put a lot of expectations onto herself, ones which may be unfounded, so she does have some insecurities in that respect.

The Weasley family is massive, so I agree it is only natural she wouldn't no some members of it as well, as she would naturally be closer to the ones closer in age to her, so I just picked out a few for her to be friends with!

I'll look over the sentences, and make them read easier, as I do agree they are a bit disjointed in places!

Thanks for this lovely review, and compliments, and don't worry about the nit-picking I need it so it makes me look back over my mistakes! Kiana:D


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 449
Submit Report: