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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi! I'm here for your review! Sorry for the delay!

This moment is so intense! I can't imagine what it would be like to be in Victoire's shoes right now because everything she's ever known or felt has been ripped away from her. Your title is well done because this is probably one of the worst betrayal's you can have. It's deep and raw and on more than just the you're cheating on me level it really cuts into trust issues because it's coming from both sides.

The premise of this is really good because it could lead to this really emotionally intense piece. There were parts of it though that i had a hard time connecting too. I think what might have helped was focussing more on more emotions than just her anger. The bit i loved most was the moment after she found the letter. That paragraph was so beautiful because you connected to Victoire in her moment of grief. However she switched to anger quite quickly and although I think that is a good emotion to play with I think there should be a balance and that may help the connection between the reader and the character. Also, with her anger, imagery (albeit hard to pull off sometimes) can be your friend so that we can also feel her flashes of anger.

Characterization wise I think you started well. You made Victoire a sympathetic character at the beginning because you can tell she's excited about her next day. She just seems to bask in her happiness and joy which is a stark contrast to what she's about to go through. I sort of wished to see a bit more from her though. Maybe something that showed that she wasn't perfect or hinted to why Teddy drifted from her. It wouldn't have to be much but maybe a personality trait or quirk that drove him into her sister's arms- something anyway that gave her a more rounded personality. Obviously this isn't focusing on that but how she was betrayed but it would help to make her more relatable.

I think you did the whole scene between her and Dominique well. Dominique did genuinely seem regretful and sad about it. It seemed like to me that she hated what she did to her sister and almost hated herself for it and yet she couldn't help herself or her feeling and I think you balanced that out well. Though I did wonder why she'd bring the letter with her to Victoire's house? Something like that you think she'd burn it or, at least, keep it at her place so she wouldn't be found out. I didn't like Teddy in the end. How he was still willing to marry her and say he was hers- it just made him so so despicable and unlikeable because what kind of girl would want to marry someone who's just done what he's done. I felt like, in the end, he would have just repeated the cycle- maybe not with Dom but someone else. I don't know if that was your intention but it's what i felt.

There was also a point and this is a fairly small and nitpicky thing but when Victoire's confronting him there is a point that it switches into his POV for a sentence or two and then back to hers. It just seemed to disrupt the story because we were hearing about this story from hers the whole time and it switched for such a small amount of time that it made it hard to connect to him and her in that moment.

This is a great moment to explore and I think your plot is interesting because for some reason i really enjoy reading about angsty moments like this where the emotions and feelings are just raw on the page. thank you so much for requesting me and i hope i answered all your concerns. Feel free to request again if you wish ;P

-zayne

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, and no problem about the delay, I understand how RL gets in the way!

I am glad you liked this, and found it to be intense. I gave a lot of thought to the title, so thank you :)

I am sorry that there were parts you couldn't connect to. I tried to give it my best. I also thought that since Victoire had some veela blood, her anger would be the strongest emotion. However, I am pleased to know that you liked the paragraph immediately after Victoire reads the letter, as I worked hard on it. I am not particularly good when it comes to playing with imagery, but I'll see what I can do. As for maintaining a balance with grief, I'll try to focus more on that too when I do an edit.

Its good to know that you liked Victoire's characterisation, especially in the beginning. You make a good point about showing something that caused Teddy to deviate from her, but I mostly talk about that factor in the prequel (of her being too uptight and prim and proper as opposed to Dominique) and touch on it briefly when talking about the messy room. But I'll see if I can elaborate more on it when I do an edit.

It's good to know that you liked the Dominique and Victoire interaction. Yes, Dominique regretted her actions and I am glad that it came through in the narrative. Again, you make another good point about Dominque bringing the letter to Vic's place, that was something I didn't think through, so I think I'll change it to Victoire being at Dom's house instead of the other way round when I edit it. Thank you! As for Teddy, that was entirely my intention. I wanted to depict him as this selfish needy person who could see nothing beyond his own "feelings" or desires. I see him that way because I always think that he grew up as a lost boy, who wanted so much yet hardly got any of it, thus his current attitude. I am glad that my depiction was successful.

I didn't realize that I switched to Teddy's POV for a sentence or two, so I'll look into that and change it whenever I edit. Thanks for pointing it out.

I appreciate that you took the time to leave such a thoughtful review, and that you found this interesting. I love angsty moments too! You answered all my concerns, thanks a ton. All your comments were really helpful. Thanks!


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