|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
Hey there! I'm glad you found my last review helpful, and I'm glad to be back to read some more of your awesome work!
I loved the way you started this chapter off! The paragraph: 'Everyone said I had made the right decision, but they werenít the one who had to live with it, forced to deal with the repercussions of uttering that single word, and made to think what if, every day. Living with uncertainty is a lot more unpleasant than most people anticipate it to be' was perfect-it really hooked me in and left me wondering what exactly the context was, left me eager to know more!
I like the fact that a lot of unanswered questions are asked in this chapter, because it definitely aroused my curiosity, and I am not even more curious to find the answers to some of them-to find out more in depth what led Rose to marrying Xander-why she and Scorpius broke up.
I actually thought the use of flashbacks in this chapter was really well done. Over time, I've seen many authors attempting to use flashbacks, and they haven't always worked out. Sometimes they seem downright weird-completely interrupting the flow and having no point, if you know what I mean. You, however, pulled these off really well, and they definitely added an extra layer to the chapter. I think these flashbacks helped me to gain more insight into Rose's life and personality. I especially liked the sorting flashback, because I feel as though you captured the situation you put Rose in perfectly. I loved the line: 'As I shuffled over to the Ravenclaw table I had no idea where to go, as I was so sure about being in Gryffindor, and enjoying my first feast with my cousins, I didnít plan what I would do if I ended up elsewhere, so I went sat with the only other person who could understand how I was feeling as we were in the same situation, Scorpius Malfoy' because that is exactly how I would feel if I were in Rose's shoes!
I like that you have already begun to develop your characters-Lily in particular seemed nicely bubbly, though I would have liked to know a little bit more about Dom's personality. If there's any CC I could give you, it would be that some of your sentences seem to be a bit wrong, with slightly random comma
use, but then my grammar use isn't too good so what do I know, right?
Anyway, I really enjoyed this first chapter-you didn't seem to be out of your comfort zone at all!
Author's Response: Hey Courtney, thanks for such a lovely and detailed review!
Yay, the start was good, as I believe that's the most important, and I guess the fact that it's rather ambigious, as you don't know much about the decision she's made, and I guess that's the basis of the story as it's revealed through out, in a series of flashbacks, so it kind of all ties in!
And I'm glad that flashbacks worked, as they are a main feature of the story, and I have seen some done awfully, so I was worried about that, but I'm glad that it worked. And I do agree, if you know where the characters come from, you have a much better sense of the character herself. Yes I think I would be with you and Rose as well, on sitting with Scorpius, as at least you could be outcasts together!
I'm glad that you liked Lily, as she always seem to be a bubbly person to me, and yeah Dom's personality isn't seen much here, but you do get more in the future chapters!
Yeah I comma's randomnly as I'm never sure where they go! So I'll head back and look again! And yeah it was surprisingly easy to write, considering I don't usually do this era, so yay for that! Thanks again for this review, it was really helpful!