Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ChaosWednesday says:
Hey, it's Whiskey again!

I like the fast-paced narrative style. In a way, it fits the subject matter of plain, non-questionable sadism. There isn't much need for reflection if you chose to just be bad just...because.

Now, I must admit that several things bothered me a great deal in this chapter. First, this: "It's not like anyone would understand parseltongue, but he worries anyway." Uhm, she can speak parseltongue? Why? Isn't that only a Slytherin heir sort of thing? I know you need to make her as cool and scary as you can, but this is dipping toes in Mary-Sue territory. I am sure there are ways of making Zoe appear powerful and equal to Tom without, well, giving her the SAME power as him without any explanation. Similarly, the dialogue implied that Tom was kind of the side kick. The Dark Lord is nobody's sidekick...That sort of defeats the purpose of his character as the inaccessible bunddle of psychotic, obsessive insecurities. You even have him say "sorry! (!). This is your story, of course, and hpff is here to let people get crazy and creative, but I think that changing these two parts would significantly improve the quality of the story. The rest is harsh, funny, and nuts, but the issues I just mentioned made me really stumble while reading.

I think there is a lot of potential here to indirectly - and without moral heaviness getting in the way - explore the nature of sadism and evil. If you drop making Zoe into a female Tom Riddle and, instead explore the way a character can become just as cruel and self-entitled without all the "specialness" that Voldemort had to deal with, then this could become a trully amazing story!

I hope I could be helpful (and didn't seem too critical). Cheers!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net