|Review:||The Misfit says:|
AH. I loved this chapter so much; I was literally on tenterhooks whilst reading it! I really enjoyed how you broke up Wolf's sections with the dialogue of Gavin and Ivan to avoid an overly long descriptive section, which was an excellent move. I liked how you accurately portrayed Wolf's feelings; how he was initially afraid of attacking the two of them because he was in unfamiliar territory and didn't know what to expect. It was very realistic to read! :D
I did get slightly confused during the scene where Ivan was trying to get away from Wolf - Gavin's dialogue indicates that Ivan has his back to Wolf and doesn't know he's there, however at the end of the same paragraph you have Ivan "backing away". That indicates he's walking backwards, facing Wolf, which conflicts with Gavin's dialogue. You might want to take another look at that. :)
I enjoyed how you described Gavin and Ivan as being members of the same pack, and the way you called Gavin's wand a stick - you really delved into Wolf's mentality here, and you did it fantastically. :D Although I don't like the fact that Gavin tried to kill my poor Remus! D: It must have been surprising for Gavin when Sirius/Padfoot suddenly went for him though! That really highlighted Sirius' protective nature and how he would - and did - risk his life to protect Remus. ♥
BAHAHAHAHA at how James had trouble getting through the window with his antlers! (Now we know why Prongs fits him so well! XD)
Remus' initial reaction was completely believable; I really liked how he was concerned about being able to taste blood and how he blew his top when he discovered his friends sleeping under the same roof as a "monster" - you really have characterized him so well!
I loved the reference of Remus' lycanthropy being mistaken for a girl's time of the month; it's a comparision I've made myself but I can't remember actually reading it in fanfiction before. The way you included it also provided amusement, as James' declaration that he wanted to be called Mr Hooves - that instantly gave me a mental picture of a cartoon stag on a dancefloor for some reason! XD
Reading through the conversation between the Marauders, I can understand why they became Animagi before confronting Remus about his "furry little problem" - and while I'll admit it doesn't fit my head-canon, I applaud you on making this fit into actual canon and creating such a believable scenario! *claps loudly*
And that ending. THAT ENDING. Rosie, you are wonderful at endings. Despite knowing what happens in the future, I was still sucked in by Remus' happiness at finally being accepted, and caught up in the same wave of euphoria as Wolf when Remus told him that they had a pack now. ♥
I did notice a few typos / missed or extra words, and for convenience I've put them all in the one place. These don't detract from the story greatly; I just notice them really easily and anyway, I'm just probably nitpicking. :3
"The name McGonagall stirred a thought on Wolf’s mind but quickly dismissed it." < There should be a "he" between "but" and "quickly".
"dog’s fur for his dear life" < The "R" is bolded?
"as I tried to take everything they were saying" < There should be an "in" between "take" and "everything".
"wondering why they hadn’t gone and to their parents" < You don't need the "and" here.
"Meanwhile if werewolf is never introduced" < There should be an "a" between "if" and "werewolf".
"to becoming an Animagi" < It should be "become".
"I preferred them in stews" < Again, this should be "prefer". :)
I'm really sorry for how long the above paragraph is; I just find it easier myself (and I know some other authors do) when people point out the specific typos. I re-read my chapters obsessively, sometimes 50+ times, so if I hadn't spotted typos then having a reviewer tell me that they're there isn't really helpful, if you know what I mean? XD
But typos aside, this was a wonderful chapter and I really am looking forward to reading the rest of this story! You're a very talented author in that you can get your characterizations so spot on. Additionally, you delve so deeply into your character and convey their emotions so well that I could feel as if I was in Wolf's/Remus' head, completely understanding the reasons behind what they did and didn't do and how they felt, and that's wonderful to see in a fanfic! ♥
Author's Response: Finally working on my reviews! :D Yay, I feel accomplished! Haha! Again, I apologize for taking forever to respond! I mean, seriously...5 freaking months?! Bad, bad me! :(
I definitely had to add Ivan's and Gavin's conversation otherwise, just as you said, it would've been overly descriptive and boring. Glad you enjoyed it though!
I see what you mean and went ahead and change the line up a bit. Thanks for telling me about that!
Gavin was just afraid so of course he was going to try to kill our Remus. But yeah, of course Sirius was going to be the hero here. I tried to get into an animal's POV which, in reality, is a bit hard. I didn't wish to bore people to death but at the same time, a werewolf/wolf/animal doesn't have the same common sense we have. What we would call brother/sisters, Wolf considers a pack members. The books I've read, Kitty Norville, have really been an inspiration to the whole werewolf mythos. It's thanks to Carrie Vaughn that Wolf feels realistic!
Remus had to drop the f bomb when he discovered his friends sleeping under the same roof as him. He tried so hard to keep his secret well...secret from them but there they were, just sleeping like nothing matters. And it doesn't, not to them. That's why I changed up the canon a bit. It just shows a lot more support that the Marauders have for Remus. They're willing to do all of this for him and they don't care what 'problem' he may have.
*hugs* thank you so much for pointing out the typos/mistakes! I went ahead and fixed them so it should be good! I even read my chapters over to comb out the mistakes but I guess my brain reads one thing but understands another. XD But that's why I get reviews! So I can get help from others and sharpen the chapters to the best they can be!
It makes me all warm and fuzzy that you enjoyed this chapter! Specially the emotions and characterization. That's what I was going for! :D
Again, I'm so sorry that I've taken forever but better late than never, right? :)
Thank you so much for your kind words and help!
Until next time