Hey Gabbie, I'm here with your review, and as this a rolling review, and an incredibly long chapter, so if I repeat myself, or answer my own questions!
I immediately liked Percy's rather sarcastic narrative, as it was funny to read, and it seemed really realistic, as Percy did always seem rather dismissive of everything, so I thought that you caught his snobbish attitude very well!
It was nice to see that Percy was being sociable, and that he was hanging out with George, and Lee, as those two are the people who you least expect him to be with. And the mention of Fred, and how George reminded him so much of his twin, was lovely and touching!
I love how all your stories interlink with one another, meaning if you prefer one character you can read a certain story about them, or if you're in the mood for a bit of Roxanne you know where to look!
A muggle strip club. I can see where Audrey comes into the story now, and I can't wait to read on, and see how this develops as it will be interesting , no doubt!
I don't know what it is with you and your sporadic capital letters, but I saw them popping up again in here, so just a quick proof read will get rid of them :)
The bit where you mentioned Percy having fun by looking over papers Hermione made me laugh, as it was just what I imagined those two would love to do in there spare time. And Percy has a SIX PACK? Oh my merlin is all I can say! Never expected that!
It was nice to see that Fred's death, though awful, brought George and Percy closer together, as Percy was often the outsider in the Weasley family, so it was nice to see that something good can come from it. And the way you portrayed his decaying state showed how he will probably transform when he meets Audrey, which was a good idea!
I've also noticed a few spots, where comma's have been missing, and some words have missed a space between them:)
Ha Percy's initial reaction to the strip club was hilarious, when he started talking about gyrating women, and the thought of clean cut him in there must have been a funny sight. I wonder though if he wasn't so decrepid would have married a stripper, in the end or not?
The brief mention of the lottery was great, as it must have seemed like a strange invention to muggles now you think about it.
I also liked that brief mention about Penelope Clearwater, as I could sense some bitterness on Percy's behalf, on how that relationship ended, so it would be interesting to see how that ended, and to see whether that shaped his future character or not.
I loved how you made Percy loved kids, and the way he showed affection towards Victoire and Freddy, as that was really sweet. Though I am intriguied to know why he referred to Teddy as an oddity, as that seemed rather harsh to call a toddler that?
It's kind of funny and weird the way George and Lee reacted over Audrey, as that's their friends/brothers future wife. Ha it must be awkward at family dinners, if they reminise over how they met. I liked that you made her go to Percy, as I can't imagine him getting that much female attention so it was nice to see that he got some.
I liked George's reaction, to when Percy said he would never marry anyone, as it is true, it is sort of a miracle that Ron got Hermione, as you never thought they would get together, and then bam it happens, and everyone was incredibly shocked (well I was anyway ;D)
I wonder if Percy's just a naturally prude person, or whether there is another reason behind his embarrasment around Audrey, as it does seem rather extreme, all of his blushing, speechlessness, and inability to look at her when wearing minimal amounts of clothers!
I did feel that when Percy did regain his confidence, he did appear a little too mean, as I thought that though he was a snob, he was a nice one, so it went a little far in my opinion. But I guess that this is fan fiction fo anything goes!
In response to 'dirty' Percy, I thought it was amusing to read, as you never expected that to happen, and it really contrasts with his normal character, so it was funny to read.
And yes I do think it makes you want to read on, as this isn't a 'typical' Audrey, as you said that name usually has boring and plain connotations, so it was funny to put a spin on it, and I liked the originality of it!
Overall I thought this was a great one-shot, which provided a lot of laughs, the few CC's I've already listed, but they can be easily sorted through a quick read over, so nothing to worry about really, and thanks for requesting, as this was funny, Kiana:D
Author's Response: Hey there!
Good God, what am I supposed to do with this monster?! I saw it and went, "Merlin, this is going to take me an age or two to get everything down." Hahha. Forgive me if I don't cover everything you mentioned in this! D':
I thought it would be pretty funny and tough for Percy to sit with both Lee and George at a pub. He doesn't really like Lee and George is well, he's George and he's incredibly annoying! Hahaha.
But yes, he's still struggling alot when it comes to Fred's death but he and George are alot closer than they were because of it. I think it saddens them both and really comes across well.
The image of Percy going into a strip club will just haunt me forever. I giggle so much when I imagine the look on his face! His meeting with Audrey was not at all normal and I really do like that you enjoyed it. :D
You know, Percy might have married a very naughty girl despite himself. There's something about him that's just itching to enjoy life but he's too guarded to allow himself to!
I think it would make sense for Percy to like kids since he had to deal with the twins, Ron and Ginny as babies when they were growing up. He's the sort to enjoy alot of noise even though he might pretend otherwise and oh, that little thing about Teddy wasn't meant to be mean. But then again, if you ever read "This is Angelina" there's a mention of him being sort of hard to handle. He makes Victoire and Fred and the rest eat worms. Hahahha.
Oh, Merlin, I haven't even gotten to the part with George and Lee reacting over Audrey! Its going to be so funny buy anyway, Percy needed some attention didn't he? Hahah. And he sure got some. :D
I think Percy's sort of a prudish fiend. There are things that he won't talk about but he knows far more about things than he should and I guess that's what embarrasses him the most. Hahaha.
George is mean isn't he about that thing with Ron and Hermione?! Hahahha. But he just wants his brother to be happy and I think seeing Percy so down really gets to him.
I got comments that Percy's mean attitude did go a bit far but then again, he was nervous and anxious and its completely my fault. HAHAHAHA.
Dirty Percy is fun! I adore him! Glad that you liked him too, isn't he funny?! Hahahhaaha.
And Audrey is such a little firecracker isn't she? I'm glad that it makes you want to read on about her, I was really worried about that.
Thanks so much for this monstrously long review and I'll look over those CC's you gave me too! Always a pleasure.