|Review:||The Misfit says:|
Hello there, Rosie! :) First off, I'd like to apologize for this review being a few hours later than planned - I woke up to a leaking roof, which got progressively worse over the day and literally became a waterfall in our lounge. (And it's a two-week-old roof! -.-) But anyway - onwards with the reviews! :D
I really loved this story; you delve exceptionally well into Remus' POV! Your characterization is spot on - Remus' fight to preserve his humanity, and his anger, is just so Remus, and it's really good to see that.
I loved your description of how Remus was a "passenger" when he was transformed, and that he could only really remember what happened after he turns back into a human if he "becomes one" with Wolf, and that he doesn't want to - you really get a sense of Remus' turmoil there. And you also get into him in depth - that recital of hated things to keep Wolf at bay is a wonderfully unique quirk and with one line, adds so much to his character.
McGonagall is characterized well; the way she feels for Remus and pities him, but still treats him like any other student is done excellently, and reading this, I could really believe that this is the same McGonagall that we see in the books, so well done! :D
I did spot a typo: "if someone were to get wind that the Headmaster of Hogwarts had allowed a werewolf, everyone in the staff would get sacked" < I think you intended to include "to attend Hogwarts" or similar after the word werewolf? :)
*runs off to hug Remus tightly* *comes back* Ohmygosh, those transformation scenes! You really captured Remus' feelings incredibly well, and my heart was breaking as I read through it - I could really empathize with poor Remus. The way you included how he had to remember to take his clothes off so that he wouldn't have to greet McGonagall and Flitwick naked as he did during the last full moon not only indicates how much Wolf affects him, but stirs a little curiosity in me as to what happened last full moon that caused Remus to transform so quickly he didn't have time to undress.
“I am a human being.” My voice was now a wolfish whimper, < THIS LINE GAVE ME ALL THE FEELS. You really highlight the contrast between Remus and Wolf here, with twelve simple words, and that's just amazing. ♥
I loved the way you showed Wolf's point of view. I've read a lot of Marauder fanfics, and none of them have ever depicted Remus' transformations - a couple of them did, actually, but from the others' POVs or a third person POV, which doesn't really count - so the fact that you tackled this and wrote it beautifully is admirable.
I especially enjoyed the scenes where the Marauders entered the Shack in their Animagus forms. It was interesting to see how Wolf became confused by how their scents were familiar and yet so wrong, and reading how Wolf viewed James as "the largest piece of food he had seen walk right into his territory" brought a smile to my face. Wolf is just so completely different from Remus, and the way they view a familiar person/animal so differently just serves as a reminder of that.
"He growled loudly hoping the invaders would go away, or serve as a warning." < This sentence doesn't sit very well with me, although I'm not certain why. If I were you, I'd consider rephrasing it. :)
I loved how Remus was able to exercise some small control over Wolf, and the fact that it happened after some fighting had occurred was fantastic, as it gave the illusion that Remus was mentally miles away, and only "checked in" on Wolf occasionally instead of remaining in his thoughts all night. XD That you wrote just a few sentences later that Wolf was ignoring Remus' screams just after obeying him was the moment where I just read it and really felt Remus' powerlessness. It must be so awful for the poor boy to never know when Wolf will obey him, and when he won't. :3
And that cliffhanger has left me wondering what will happen next; how will Remus cope with the consequences of escaping (because even if he doesn't kill / hurt someone, he might have and he'll worry about that, I'm sure) as well as whether Wolf will hurt or kill someone.
The only real critique I can think of is the spacing - this might just be me, but I find it much easier to read a chapter when there's a simple line break in between chapters rather than the amount of spaces you have here. :)
This is a fantastic chapter; you've introduced us to the setting and to the characters so wonderfully, and the way you've ended it leaves me wondering what happens next. Thank goodness the next chapter's already validated! :P Again, I apologize for the delay in reviewing - a crystal ball / psychic abilities are top of my birthday list - but I hope that this review made up for it. I have to get some dinner now, but I'll be back to review the second chapter tonight and I promise I'll do the following three just as soon as I possibly can. ♥
Author's Response: You wish to apologize for your review being a few hours late? I would like to grovel at your feet and ask for forgiveness for taking months to respond to it! :S I'm so sorry that I've taken forever! My life sort of took a spin out of control but I think I have a grasp on it.
Remus always struck me as this man with a lot of patience. At least the older Remus that we saw in the books. I mean...in order to be a teacher you have to be patient in the first place. But somehow I didn't get that idea for a young Remus for patience is something we learn, not something we just have.
I think he suffered a lot in his young days and I think that's where the self-hatred comes from. He tries so hard to remind himself that he's human because he lives in a society that think of his kind as low animals. They're both feared and hated. So I had Remus but fear and hate himself when he was young. That's why he chooses to keep the werewolf at bay for as long as possible and to keep ignorant of Wolf's doings. He just doesn't care. He wants absolutely nothing to do with his feral side mostly because he's, in a way, disgusted by it.
McGonagall is such a hard character to write! So I'm glad that you thought of her as a believable character!
Remus's transformation was the best part to write. Wow...that sounded horrible from me! Every time I read a Remus werewolf fic, the author never really explore the process so it was fun for me to sort of look into that and wonder how the bones would melt and readjust to that of a wolf. It sounds painful too, I won't deny it but yeah...XD
I'm very happy that you liked the Marauders's first scene. I mean, I'm not saying that this is how it happened in the books but for me, it's a lot more meaningful for them to show during the full moon to show Remus that they care and support him and that they don't care about his problem. Remus is there but you're right, he's just 'miles away' and checks in on Wolf. However, when Wolf started to behave out of the norm, Remus decided to check into him to see what was getting him riled up. The scent helped him realize what had happened so he had to put a stop to Wolf before he managed to eat James.
Thank you so much for the critique! I went head and reduced the amount of spacing and fixed the typos/grammar issues.
I once again apologize for taking forever with giving you a proper response. XD
Until next time