Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hello, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I like that you work a lot of humor into this story, especially with Eden's sly, snarky asides. This is one line in particular that made me laugh: "Jade is my BFWWSTNMHMBGASBGITW. Best friends who will stick together no matter how many bitchy girls and stupid boys get in the way. Don't ask."

Another line I really like is: "And there he was, the womanizer, the heartbreaker, the casanova, the cause of my pain, the cause of all evil in the world, the cause of my agony, the cause of my sometimes unexpected bitterness, the cau-oh you get the gist." :)

The main criticism I have is that between Eden's siblings and friends, I had a hard time keeping up with all of the characters. Eve stands out a little bit because of her dog; but I would really like to see what characteristics, habits, hobbies, quirks and interests they all have fostered to distinguish themselves. What do Eve and Dan do now that they're done with school, for instance? What are Jade and Ryan's back stories and home lives like? Do they use email and texting, too, or only those with muggle and muggle-raised parents like Eden and James?

Basically, I think the main area to work on with this story is in developing the characters to make them stand out and to help readers to connect with them.

You say that you're uncertain about continuing or not, and I say, if you've got a story to tell then definitely continue! If you aren't completely happy with it once it's done, then you can always go back and revise. :)

Author's Response: Hello Elphaba!

Thanks for the lovely review!

I will later define each of the characters and family members individually, so it's easier for people to tell them apart.

Thank you for the advise, and I will definetly continue! xo

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 783
Submit Report: