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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! Sorry again for being late, and thanks for your patience. :)

First of all, I think the marriage-arranged-by-Death premise is great, and I love that the story gets off to a humorous start!

I did notice some recurring punctuation issues. Basically, I found a lot of places where I would insert a comma to create a brief pause, and a few places where I would break a long sentence into two. Here are a couple of examples:

--"What was going to happen you dare ask?"
I would place a comma between 'happen' and 'you.'

--"Here let's go we don't have too much time,"
I would place a comma after 'Here' and a period after 'go.'

A good tip is to read your writing aloud, and then place a comma or period wherever you pause naturally to take a breath.

While I like that you inject a little mystery into this chapter by not revealing the identify of Amber's father, and by not naming her husband-to-be until the end, I would like some more information about some of the other characters. Who is Stefan, for instance? I would just like a little more context about their relationship.

Also, while I do like the mystery, I hope that eventually Amber's real father will be revealed.

I really like that you show that the Malfoys view the Potters as annoying. That's definitely in-character for them. :)

One other question I had is: why do the Potters go along with the arranged marriage? Are they just trying to help the Malfoys to be nice, or is there some other reason for them to cooperate?

I'm interested to see where the next chapter goes! :)

Author's Response: hey! thanks for doing this!

all of the mysteries will be shown really soon. things will make sense very soon as the story starts going on.

haha theres always reason to everything so the Potters have a reason too.

thank you!


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