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Review:fauxthefox says:
Hi! This is Faux from the forums with your requested review!

You told me in your request that you were worried that this would be boring, which it's definitely not. The whole seeing-dead-people thing is an interesting idea, but you'll have to watch your OC Ellie closely to make sure she doesn't become a Mary Sue (characters tend to get cliche when you give them too many special abilities, etc). I think you have a well-rounded first chapter here, but there are definitely a few ways that it could be improved.

First off, there are a few noticeable grammar errors in here (not many). Finding a beta might be a good move, just to have a sort of net to catch those little things.

If there's one thing that this story lacks, it's description - there are only a few paragraphs that go over two or three lines of text. Again, this is definitely not a boring story, but I think that adding some description of the characters, scenery, etc, would make the story more lifelike and help you to keep your readers grounded in each scene. I didn't feel like I got a great idea of all of your characters in this chapter - so, again, description could definitely be useful to round them out and make them more realistic.

I like the dialogue for all of your characters - it seems natural, and each character's dialogue is slightly unique, which helps with their characterization.

This is sort of off-topic, but I like the use of the name Cassandra, because it's not really crazy/odd, but it has a mythological background that makes sense for the character. Cheers. :)

Good start! Feel free to re-request if/when you get another chapter out!
Faux

Author's Response: Hiya! And thank you!

I am so very worried that my OC will become Mary Sue! Sometimes, when I write something down for her, I read over it again, and I'm like, too Mary Sue! So yes - thank you for reminding me to be constantly vigilant!

*cringe* I hate grammar mistakes! So, I'll definitely be going back through and fixing them (I think I used the wrong 'here' or 'there' in one instance...).

Sigh. Description. Thank you. Now that I read over it again, you're completely right - no description at all, is there? I shall endeavour to improve!

And yay for Cassandra! I thought the name was rather fitting, especially considering how Ellie didn't believe her.

And thank you again!


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