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Review:fauxthefox says:
Hi! This is Faux from the forums with your requested review. I didn't notice any spelling/grammar errors, but I do have some comments to make about plot and characterization.

Maybe it's because I haven't read the prequel, but I didn't get a good idea of your characters in this chapter besides basic outlines. I'd suggest you lengthen out the chapter with more description of the characters (and scenery, too) to give a better idea of what they're like.

This kind of betrayal is a difficult topic to write about without seeming contrived. Victoire's internal monologue is very good. The paragraph that comes right after the letter is probably the best point of the story, because it's the spot where her emotions and thoughts and pain really came out. I'd suggest you try to add in some more passages like that to elaborate more on what she's feeling, etc. You also might want to work on your dialogue, because it sounds a bit unnatural. I have the same problem, and reading the characters' lines out loud helps a lot. :)

Hope this was helpful!

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and reviewing!

I appreciate your comments and I'll see what I can do about more description on characterisation, and more on the feelings, and working on dialogues. I believe in "less is more" but anyway, I'll see what I can do.

Thanks :)


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