|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
Hey there! I'm Courtney, here for your requested review.
I really, really enjoyed this first chapter. I thought, overall, it was an excellent introduction to what promises to be an equally amazing story. You should definitely re-request when you upload your next chapter, because I would love to read it:)
I liked the unusual format you chose to start this chapter with-with both the list of name, place of birth etc and Marcia's thoughts on never having been great at sport. It was a perfect way to introduce Marcia's character and I completely related to her as a person as I have definitely never been good at sports either, and I was always last to be picked for teams-of course, I'll I ever did in P.E class at school was stand around and complain so I don't really blame anyone!
I also really liked the idea of Marcia being given 'a chance to change' because I think that is an idea a lot of readers can relate to. I can't even count the amount of times I'd wished I could start over in different situations so I think by saying that, you have given Marcia had an extra layer of depth and believably.
I loved the way you described the letter from Hogwarts, and also Marcia's reaction when she saw and opened it. It definitely took me back to Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone-you were able to retain the mystery and hope which surrounds the opening of the letter, which is awesome. And Marcia's mothers reaction was just perfect. The line: '“I – it’s a joke, right? I mean,” she took the letter from my hands and read aloud from it, “School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Who would even think up this crap?” was spot on. That's exactly what someone who had no idea magic existed would say, I believe!
The timing of Neville's entrance was perfect, and I am so glad you chose to use him as Marcia's introduction to magic and Hogwarts, as I've always had a soft spot for him. I felt at times as though he was a little out of character but, in saying that, people definitely change as they grow older, and this first chapter is set several years after the events of the last book, so what do I know?
Other little bits and pieces that I enjoyed were the line: '“Well,” she nodded slowly, “that's nice of them, so will you be able to give us directions to this, Horizontally place, then?”' That was great, and even made me laugh a little! I also was intrigued by the mention of Marcia's father-I hope that we'll find out more about him in later chapters!
I felt as though the Diagon Alley scene was a little short. I would have loved to have seen Marcia describe it, in her eyes, a little more-after all, it is really her first time in the Wizarding world! But I did like how you mentioned the Quidditch shop, as I'm sure it foreshadows what will happen in future chapters-what type of person Marcia has become.
Thanks for the awesome read!
Author's Response: Hey, I'm glad you liked it! And I promise, I will definitely be re-requesting!
Haha! I think the most I did in P.E was jump on the squishy mat things ;) I'm so happy you think that yourself and other readers can relate to her - I'm trying to keep that up throughout the story - I think that's really important that she doesn't go all weird and unrealistic. :P
Spent some time on her Mum's reaction - considering I know all about magic and it's OBVIOUS existence ;) I wasn't sure how long it'd take her to believe, but I guessed the sink bit might have done it :P
I wasn't sure how to write Neville, I mean, since the seventh book he'd trained to be an Auror and then a teacher, so he's bound to have changed loads - it was so difficult to write him in character :/
I couldn't resist adding in a part about Marcia's father, just for that extra bit of mystery! Plus, she's probably been wondering about him for years, and this bloke's just come along to explain why she's so different, stands to reason she thinks that he can explain about her dad. He'll pop up at some point, but the question is, will she recognise him when he does? ;)
Okay, I really have GOT to extend the Diagon Alley part, teehee, this review has actually given me an idea for something else to add in, but I won't tell you 'cause it'll ruin EVERYTHING!
Thanks so much for reviewing, and don't worry, I'll be back(Terminator style) ;)