|Review:||Roots in Water says:|
This was certainly a different, yet great follow-up to the first chapter. It was interesting to see Fred's perspective after he died, especially how he sees himself as wedged between consciousness and oblivion. I wonder how he'll interact with the greater world, or if he will at all.
His perspective on death was very interesting, particularly because he, like just about everyone else, never planned on dying, never thought that he would die until he was old. Even though there was a war going on, he'd assumed he'd live through it because how else can you get through it?
The moment in the field was very interesting because of this, because it was a moment where they could have discussed dying but didn't. I was a little surprised, though, that the bludger didn't injure him more. From the description in the story, I thought that a bludger to the face would have resulted in head trauma (or something along those lines, something that could not be healed by "episkey").
As well, I did find it a little surprising that they used/had invented such a Dark-seeming spell. Their pranks had always seemed more light-hearted and while I knew/had assumed that they weren't gentle with their enemies, I hadn't thought that they were already capable of using those sorts of spells. Of course, the actual spell mightn't have been gruesome, just its appearance.
Fred's comments about his death were really interesting and I really liked the style you used in describing the moment of his death. The spacing really helped to give the impression that he was drifting away from body (at least, that's the impression I got from the scene). His frustration about his "death in a punch line" was fitting. He died participating in an activity that he loved to do but it certainly wasn't how he would want to go (if you say exactly how you'd like to go). The joke, as he said, wasn't that funny...
All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter and I'm very interested to see where you'll take this story. Will Fred and George somehow interact? Will this be a story of how they both come to terms with their individual situations? Great work! :D
Author's Response: Roots! Oh, first of all, I'm very very very sorry for taking ONE WHOLE MONTH to respond to your amazing review. And I haven't even answered your other one on my Creevey oneshot :( No excuses from me here, just procrastinating and stuff.sorry :(
But, thank you so much for these lovely surprise reviews! I'm so grateful and flattered that you actually came back to read on! It means a great deal to me.
This chapter...it's been quite some time since I wrote it, and now it's starting to sound a little off, when I reread. There's something not quite right about Fred's voice, there are heavy descriptions in the wrong areas, and the twins' relationship seem a little jarring. I intend to go back and fix this chapter completely. Rewrite. And then I'm going to move it down the story, because it's in the wrong place. I just realised this as i was planning out further chapters.
Baha! I'm so glad you picked out all those things from the chapter, the Episkey bit and the Dark-seeming spell used by the twins. I'm not the best at canon and I'm always incredibly grateful to reviewers who point out whenever the stuff I write is incompatible with canon. I will have to go back and change things around. I'm trying to give this story a slightly darker tone and atmosphere...hence the use of that spell.
Yeah, the formatting and spacing was meant to show some sort of disembodying process. Fred will pretty much lose everything with death. As for whether the twins will interact...well, they're both separated quite cleanly, at least for now. If they do interact I'm not going to make it easy for them :P Because I'm mean like that baha!
Anyway, thanks sososo very much for this lovely review! I'm currently writing Chapter 4 and I do hope you continue to read this story! your feedback has been just wonderful :D