That line about all Dire'd have to do would be to fix the opposing team with his stare was very funny.
But there should have been a full stop after "that stare of his."
Aw, poor Albus, he's so nervous. Come on, Al, even if you don't make it, you've got another six chances over the years. It's bound to put pressure on him, though - knowing his father made the team in first year, before he even knew what Quidditch was.
*cheers for him getting a position as reserve* It does make sense. You never know when a player will be sick or get detention or whatever.
Hmm, I wonder if it's really Professor Flitwick who wants Albus. I'm probably just getting suspicious because of the letter that was supposedly from Slughorn in my story, but Lindsay did say she "was told" rather than "Flitwick told me" and it does seem a little odd. Rose said it should be Professor Longbottom dealing with that and besides, playing Quidditch shouldn't really affect his academic schedule, as the practices would surely be in the evenings. *laughs* And in the next sentence, Rose just pretty much said that. And we know from the chapter summary that he's about to meet somebody mysterious.
Although "goblin" does sound like a password Flitwick WOULD use. But *watches suspiciously*
The phrase "unsuccessfully convincing" sounds a bit odd. It sounds like he DID convince them when he'd intended not to or something. It might sound better to say something like "failing to convince."
Well, it's the real password anyway. *wonders what's going on here and why Flitwick wants him* Maybe he has something to discuss that he didn't want to mention in the note in case Lindsay or somebody read it.
Oh, yikes, the idea of somebody forcing Flitwick to send the message didn't occur to me. Really unexpected.
Oh Albus, you REALLY need to tell your dad. Even if nobody else believes you, he will and he has the power to investigate, even secretly. Plus what have you to lose? Even if nobody does believe you, you're no worse off than you are if you don't tell. Telling can ONLY advantage you.
And it's totally different from your dad's situation. That was a corrupt Ministry trying to silence anything that didn't suite them.
It does make sense that an 11 year old would worry about being mocked as a liar and fear that more than the idea of their headmaster being tortured.
Before I thought of Harry, I was thinking "they have to tell somebody immediately", but then I thought "who would an 11 year old tell?" It would be hard enough to know what to do in that situation as an adult, but much more difficult as a child.
It should be "to Hugo and me," not "to Hugo and I". You wouldn't say "they talked about their adventures to I." And Rose strikes me as a character who'd probably use correct grammar.
I really like the way Albus is so determined to imitate his father that he is willing to put himself at risk.
Really good chapter, one of my favourites so far.
Author's Response: David is definitely the funniest person in the group. One of my favorite parts of writing this story is coming up with funny lines for him to say. He can also make the most serious situations funny.
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes! It's great that you check them, because there is always something that I miss.
Albus is a very interesting boy. When he was younger, I like to imagine that everyone complimented him on how much he looked like his father. So Albus got into his head that he was supposed to be a Harry Potter Junior. So that's also the reason he doesn't want to tell his father about Flitwick- he heard all the stories about Harry, Ron, and Hermione having adventures by themselves. Don't worry, he'll regret it later, but by then it'll be too late.
I think being a reserve would actually be cool. One game you could be beater, another game seeker, another game keeper, etc. You get to try all the positions.
I just realized the similarities between the notes both of our Albus's got! You do have a point...I wrote this chapter before I started reading your story, so I just noticed that now. That's a weird coincidence.
Goblin is a password Flitwick would use. I didn't want the password to be totally random.
I'm not that great with wording... I'll go back and change that sentence to something else.
I'm not going to say anything about your suspicions, but most of the clues are in the first chapter. Re- read the first chapter REALLY carefully and you might get closer to what will happen at the end of the book- although you haven't read enough to get the real answer. The point of the first chapter is to give you clues- and obviously hook your interest and get suspicious.
The whole "People not believing not believing me" thing is just an excuse for his friends. Rose hit the bullseye when she said that Albus wanted to be like his dad.
Sorry about the little grammar mistake, that was not intentional! Rose always uses correct grammar. Somebody like Hagrid- maybe not.
Thank you for reviewing! I am really happy I have such a devoted reader. :)