|Review:||The Misfit says:|
Hello there! This was yet another wonderful and interesting chapter, and it was so lovely to see the Witch Weekly offices and meet the people who work there. I really how you included the female goblin protests, and used that to explain Edie's view of feminism.
I love, love, love Edie's interactions with Mildred, and Theo, and Rose, and the ever-increasing horrendous Mr. Ward! The moment when Mildred catches Edie with her hangover potion was hilarious, and incredibly relatable. I also like her "work friends only" relationship with Rose, and it's perfectly understandable for Edie to resent Rose for having the job she wants, and the article she wants! I'm really intrigued now as to how she gets the article from Rose - and according to the summary, she does - so you've done really well here, including a little bit of the story but keeping the rest for future chapters, so we readers are left hanging, waiting for more.
I especially love that bit about Edie's reaction to Mr Ward wanting her to man the refreshments table - it's just so relatable, and so awesome. The way Mr Ward is so disdainful about the female goblins' rally is a good characteristic of the type of the boss that you're writing him to be. :)
I also LOVE how you've included those tiny little details that really reflect the characters, like Edie's mug and Mr Ward forging the Minister's handwriting. ♥ XD (Perhaps that's the real reason Mr Ward switches his posters and stuff around - so that forgeries can't be caught so easily by visitors into his office?)
I did notice a few inconsistencies / typos, which I'll list here:
#1. If Edie had received a T in a NEWT subject, wouldn't she have been removed from the class as it'd be too hard for her?
#2. At the start of the story, and in Mr Ward's office, you write him as a coffee / cappuccino drinker. However, when Edie talks about when she was first called into his office, and at the end of the story, he's a tea drinker. While it's entirely plausible for him to be both (I am) you've written it as if he sticks to the one beverage, so I would suggest clarifying that. ;)
#3. Typo: "translate to Insured that editor of magazine received daily deliveries" < Insured should actually be Ensured.
#4. "his preferred brand, Madame Puddifoot’s Authentic English Breakfast. Decaffeinated, the twat." < I would advise, if you decide to make Mr Ward a tea drinker, to add "Tea" after breakfast. The first time I read that sentence, I thought he was drinking the breakfast version of Cup-A-Soup - a hot liquid with the flavours of a full English breakfast. o.O
I just realized that the above paragraph was really long, and I'm sorry if those errors come across as serious - honestly, they don't. They're just minor errors (and I'm most likely nitpicking), but I've seen this story in the reviews requested thread often so I'm guessing that like me, you'd rather know about those little mistakes. ^.^
Nevertheless, this chapter is absolutely wonderful! I'm going to come back in a few days' time and finish reviewing the rest of the story so far - I'd love to know what happens next!
PS: I forgot to mention this in the first review, but I'm apondinabluebox from the forums! :)
Author's Response: YOU!!! I know who you are now :D Thanks so much for leaving two amazing reviews!
I partially made Mr. Ward the way he is because I wanted Witch Weekly to be as little like The Devil Wears Prada as possible, and I thought that making her boss the opposite of Miranda Presely would help. Also because I was watching Hot Fuzz recently for the 1938209431th time and Steve Coogan's very minor role had a HUGE influence on him. Like he's who I'm imagining every time I write Mr. Ward xD
The list is not at all bothersome or lengthy, in fact I never noticed the issues with tea/coffee... I hadn't thought about that at all! I just really loved the line "decaffeinated, the twat" and don't want to get rid of it... so I will definitely need to be thinking of how to reword that! The English Breakfast thing is really funny too, haha--I had no idea it was also a soup! Thanks for the heads up there xD
Thank you again, so so so much, for such a thoughtful and helpful review. I will certainly return the favor soon. :D :D :D