|Review:||The Misfit says:|
Hello! I'm here for the review swap, and I have to say, I really like your characterization of Edie! She's incredibly relatable as a twenty-something (and while I'm not one for a few more months, I have friends her age) and her personality is perfect for someone just trying to go through life figuring out what the purpose of life actually is. She's just awesome, seriously!
I love how you've introduced Dean and Seamus and other minor characters such as Justin (and is Lisa an OC? Her name sounds vaguely familiar), and given them personalities that are true to their canon characters that we've seen in the books, instead of turning them completely AU (this is actually the first post-Hogwarts fic I've read where Seamus isn't miserable) and provided some depth to them. Instantly, in a first chapter, you've given us Seamus' views on feminism, his home life, and his dislike at being called a leprechaun - or even for the word to be mentioned within his earshot! :P This is really good for me, as my eyes tend to gloss over when a reader gives a lot of backstory, but it didn't in this chapter because you've done this really well - you're constantly linking back present events with Edie's internal monologue, so it feels as if I'm reading a story, not one of those "background history" things they have in the OC Workshop thread! XD
Personally, I'd think that you don't need to talk about Lisa and Justin in so much depth, considering that we don't actually see them in this chapter. I also caught, in your third paragraph, that you used the word "blocks" - we don't actually use that word in the UK (or in Ireland) - in fact, I've never quite figured out what "blocks" actually refer to: one street or multiple streets or something else that hasn't come to mind. Nevertheless, I'd suggest replacing it with "streets", if you want to avoid Americanisms. :)
I'm probably nitpicking here, but where exactly is this bar located? Edie works there, and Witch Weekly is in London, so it would indicate that the bar in London. But, the Kestrels are Irish, and there are a lot of Irish fans, from what I can tell, which would indicate that they're in Ireland. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing, but I'm curious. :3
All in all, this is a fantastic first chapter and I can't wait to catch up with the rest of this story! XD
Author's Response: Hello!!! I appreciate the review, and I will be returning the favor tomorrow when I am not brain-dead from work. :3
I actually hadn't run into the idea of Seamus being miserable post-Hogwarts until recently, and it just struck me as being horribly sad (in the way that it's supposed to, for readers) because I have just never seen him that way. And yeah, Lisa Turpin is a minor canon character who was in Ravenclaw :3
Ahhh, the Lisa/Justin intro. I have been avoiding this in my edits for far too long xD You are definitely not the first person to point out that it's totally out of place, and I think I intend to lengthen the chapter a bit and have some more real-time action so that Lisa and Justin are actually there, so that the intro makes more sense. But I have definitely been avoiding it, I'm ashamed to say...
And streets! Yes! I need to change that too. Blocks are just what four straight streets make when they intersect and form a square. Like a grid :D But it's definitely an Americanism, you're right. And a much easier edit to make than the whole Lisa/Justin debacle.
Thanks so very much for the review! I appreciate it greatly. :3