Hey Gabbie! I'm here with your review, wow 9000 words how long did this take to write?
I really enjoyed reading Roxanne's thoughts at the beginning, as it was nice to show how hurt she was, and how much she regretted it. If only Harry, Ron and Hemione hadn't smashed up the timeturners she could go back and change it all!
I liked how you adapted this line to make it suitable for wizards - "Roxanne Weasley, just another number notched onto Benjamin Malfoy's broomstick", it made me laugh at the thought of that.
And yay for the bried mention of the ghoul, he really is awesome isn't he? Damn this is making me want to write a story about him, I must resist the urge!
I liked that scene of Rox and Perce, it was really nice to see the siblings getting along for once, and they were he didn't want to be called Fred, I guess it may be because he thinks he can't live up to the old Fred.
Hmm so Ben gets bullied by the cousins, and I thought they were all nice? I guess everyone has a secret past, maybe there's something more behind it other than him being a Malfoy and Slytherin. It would be cool if we had the reason behind Roxanne being a Hufflepuff, maybe a flashback to the sorting? As it seems that she could be a Slytherin in some ways, so if she was that determined to be in it, how come she wasn't?
"if she would always feel possessed by Benjamin Malfoy", this sounds eerily like when Ginny was possessed by the diary, and was forced to do things that she didn't want to, almost like how Ben lead on Roxanne.
I can see some of Roxanne's body image issues resurfacing again, when she was complaining about not being as pretty as her Mother. Am I reading too far into this, or this going to become a sub-plot?
I like Audrey, she seems to have lightened up Percy, and not made him as stuck up as he used to be. I also like that he inherited the loving all things muggle trait, as it's a really cool one to have. I thought merging the house with electricity was a cool idea as well!
You mentioned that Victoire had some issues, I wonder what they could be. Also it was a cool idea to make her a ballerina, I can really imagine her as one.
Overall I thought it was a good chapter, and I was really glad to see some of the Weasley clan, as they're so funny as they're all unique and different! Kiana :D
Author's Response: Hello!
Welcome back to this surprisingly long chapter, it actually just took me a whole day to write, believe it or not. I had no idea it was so long until I got it validated, the word count on it is ridiculous! D':
Roxanne will of course be hurt for a while as what happened with her and Ben wasn't anything that she can forget. And sadly, there are no timeturners and this is a learning thing for her, I actually don't think it'd be wise for her to go back in time to change it. She wouldn't learn anything from that!
Write the story about the ghoul. DO IT.
Roxanne and Perce get along pretty well, actually its just that he tends to be a tad over protective and thinks she's more of a brat than he is. Which is, sadly, probably true. Hahhaa.
I will actually touch a little on the subject of Uncle Fred versus Fred the Second in the next chapter! :D
Nope, I didn't think it was very realistic or different to have all the Weasley kids "nice" and "perfect". Having a famous family might actually make some of them less than kind in my opinion and just because they're from a famous family doesn't mean that they're not people and make mistakes.
Should their be another reason for them bullying Ben other than the fact that he's a Slytherin? I doubt it. I really do.
I'd had a loose idea of Roxanne's sorting, she could be a Slytherin but then again, she's incredibly loyal, which would play a part I guess in her being in either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. :D I'll most likely do a flashback on it sometime down the line.
I'll also touch on Roxanne's issues with herself, its not so much physical as it is personal. There's alot more going on in that house than what I've talked about and you'll get your answers. She's a daddy's girl and perhaps doesn't feel as close to her mother as she'd like, which would explain some things.
Actually, by this point, Percy is alot different from canon! In Audrey's stroy, he's so changed in some ways that he doesn't even feel the same as a stuffy git from the HP books. :3
And yep, he likes Muggle things. I had to put that in there, I thought it would suit him really well, he seems to like to analyze things.
Victoire is a small player in this story and I'm not really interested in giving too much information about her, but Roxanne might mention something about it later. :p
Thanks for the review, it was lovely! I shall see you on the forums!