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Review:classicblack says:
Oh that beginning! You set it up so I was thinking that Melinda was happy and lovely and all was well and then you hit me with that "six months of being quite alone" part. Very clever, you.

I enjoyed the look into the background of Albus and Melinda's relationship. Albus is so cute when he asks her out! It was interesting to see the parallels- Melinda sees herself (and she is I suppose) as a social outcast, but it's Albus- the confident, smart son of Harry Potter- who is nervous and intimidated when asking her out. Perhaps she's not so out-there after all? And then that scene in the snow and Albus's moments of spontaneity- perfect!

And then I read the rest of the chapter. It seems to me, although Melinda is essentially finished with Albus and doesn't have feelings for him anymore, there is still a part of her that wishes they were still together. I suppose it's sometimes an after-effect of a controlling relationship? Because Albus certainly was very controlling. I have a friend who recently ended a relationship similar to that of Albus and Melinda and so it actually helped me really feel for Melinda. Props for making me love and then dislike Albus all in one chapter!

I was going to comment on why you switched from third to first person in this chapter, but then I saw the title of the next chapter and it all makes sense. You're going to do a chapter from Ablus's perspective next. Perhaps I'll hate him less after that.

There were a few lines that felt a bit awkward. Just places when Melinda would narrate "for crying out loud" or "for Merlin's sake" which did make her narration less formal and more personal, but didn't seem to quite fit with the generally angsty, serious, and dramatic tone of this chapter.

Overall, fantastic chapter. I'm excited to read more. I'm really loving the quotes at the begining and end of each chapter, too.
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yes, Melinda is happy, but she is reflective at the same time. I was trying not to make her seem too sad, but still, she misses the good times. They had a pretty good relationship before it all fell apart, and happy memories never really fade. However, Melinda also remembers the bad times, and they soon outweigh the happy ones. It's enough for her to finally lose her patience and her hope for a change in Albus' slowly deteriorating character.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. Boys and girls can really be awful to each other sometimes (all the time), and that's exactly what I was trying to show here. (And I may or may not have had a friend who went through the same sort of thing.)

As for the break in tone... Yeah. I'm sorry!! One day in the far-off future, I will edit and make it all better, I promise! :)

Thanks again!

~UnluckyStar57


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