Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
I think this review is going to be a little more critique-heavy, just because I noticed a few things that were a bit "off" in this chapter. Hope that's okay :)

Some of your phrasing feels a little bit awkward. For instance, try to limit the amount of times that you use "as" to join two clauses, like when you're describing what creeps Hermione out about the Restricted Section. That might be better if it was broken up into two separate sentences. I'd also try to limit how often you start sentences with "being," like you did when talking about the sunny day. It almost makes it sound like Hermione is the day in that sentence, which could be a little confusing. I used to only use really long, complex sentences in my writing, and a reviewer or two pointed out to me that sometimes short, succinct sentences are better. I think a lot of the time, that can be true.

I think this chapter would benefit from a little more of a build-up as to why Hermione would feel sympathy for Draco. He's hurt her more than most other people, and though she's naturally kind, I would think that she would be a little hesitant to offer him advice or a chance to talk about his problems.

Finally, the ending seemed a little rushed here. The conversation where Hermione claimed to have something, but actually had next to nothing, seemed a little like there wasn't a point there. I also felt like it was odd for her to talk about the three of them being such close friends when they'd just had a disagreement, even just a mild one.

This is still very interesting, and I'll look forward to seeing your thoughts in your review responses.

On to chapter ten :)


Author's Response: Critique is always a good thing! It will only help me improve on the story so I appreciate all of your help with your reviews! I'm hoping someday to actually come back to the beginning parts of this story and look at the reviews I was given over the time and work on the areas suggested to help make this story even better. So I will be coming back to this one to get some help! Thank you so much for all of your suggestions and like I said, I shall keep them in mind when I come back and do some editing. Thanks for the review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 389
Submit Report: