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Review:my_voice_rising says:
How sweet of Albus to make sure that Flora gets her sugar quill fix. Ahhh, a wink. I am totally fangirling over this story, but so many feels. It's kind of like Pretty in Pink (which I at least find to be a compliment) with the Scorpius-Albus-Flora love triangle. So good!

It really made me sad that Albus said his friends abandon him often. But it said so much about him, I think: Flora may only have two friends, but they stick together, and have for years. Albus has a really wide circle of friends but they don't seem to be that close. It added a really nice touch of humanity to his character, even if I'm reading way too far into it!

I love when he asks her if she's afraid of ghosts. It's a really unique and somehow personal way of talking to one another--and her response about the fat friar was really funny.

My only critique is how much we see the word "awkward." I feel like it's become a buzzword in today's pop culture; socially awkward/tragically hip girl we see in characters portrayed by Zooey Deschanel, Kristen Wiig, Lena Dunham, etc. You've done a really great job introducing us to Flora, and I believe that you know her inside and out. So the word "awkward" is going into overuse and kind of detracts from her character, like she's really insisting how quirky she is. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh; I really like Flora. and she's a really believable OC. But I think you've characterized her so well that her 'awkwardness' speaks for itself and doesn't need to be mentioned so frequently :3

That being said.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

The kiss in the snow! So perfect, so adorable, so believable, how she kept trying to say something; how it took two attempts before he could actually do it. I love that he blew on her face. It's a really sweet and unique gesture that perfectly encapsulates being nervous and not knowing what to do but it's so endearing. Oh my gosh. I am so happy now :D

Author's Response: I've never seen Pretty in Pink - I'll have to give it a shot! (does it help that my favourite Fall Out Boy song is Pretty in Punk?)

Eee, I'm glad you noticed that! It was a bit deliberate. Flora makes a big deal out of being unpopular when she actually has two very meaningful friendships, Albus seems popular but he's actually a bit of a loner in a way. Five house points for you.

Thanks for pointing that out! I intended for this story to really play up the cliches so I think I kind of flung the word 'awkward' asunder without really thinking. I'll be sure to tone it down in the edit.

Heh. I used to know a boy whose one and only real trick was, er, breathing on your face to make you look at him. Real charmer, he was.

Thanks for reviewing! ♥


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