|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
Hey there! I'm Courtney, here for your requested review!
What a lovely one-shot you have produced here! I have read quite a lot of Teddy/Victoire fanfiction, especially one-shots, but none of them have been quite like this. I like the fact that this is mostly Victoire's thoughts and that there is only minimal dialogue. You have a beautiful style of writing!
The whole of the first paragraph was absolutely perfect, in my mind. The descriptions you use are just absolutely perfect. I especially liked the line: 'Her clear blue eyes, which people said looked like a reflection of the summer sky, were glazed over with dreams of a better future.' The way you worded it-the way you worded everything in this one-shot-flows very well, which makes for a much nicer read!
I also liked the paragraph that began with 'She wasnít exactly sure why she was unhappy' because I think I know exactly the way Victoire feels and the way you wrote it...you definitely have a talent with imagery and descriptions, that's all I can think of to say. If I could make one suggestion, however it would be just be careful not to go overboard, by describing absolutely everything. Now, I'm not saying that's what you've done, I'm just saying for future reference. There is a fine line between not enough imagery, just the right amount and so much that it disrupts the flow and makes the writing disjointed.
I really like your characterization of Victoire-what we see of it, anyway. The way you've depicted her in this one-shot is different from all the other Victoire's I've seen out there, which I love! It's clear that everything about her comes from your imagination and your thoughts. You have so many great lines scattered throughout this one-shot that, for me, really show Victoire's personality that I find it hard to quite just a few, but I think my favourite was 'Her name was a symbol and somehow that symbol had become her.' I like this line because I think it really shows what Victoire is feeling, and I like the reminder of her namesake-I like the way you have worked in little reminders of the second Wizarding War into this piece of writing, such as 'Her childish cries hadnít been the loudest during those times.' Your language is just...wow.
I hate to quote too much, but the line: 'The ocean seemed to whisper to her in its bubbling secrets. Crashing up against her legs and pulling back again; her feet sunk deeper in' was also brilliant. It really reminded me of my childhood, standing at the edge of the sea on a stormy day, slowly sinking. And I think that's what's so great about your writing-that your are able to connect people to your characters.
The introduction of Teddy worked very nicely, I thought. Though they barely speak, I could see the chemistry between them, just from Victoire's thoughts. And there is a moment, very near the end, where everything just ties up neatly, making this one-shot feel complete. I think it was the line: 'That maybe, she could become more than her name more than the symbol she saw herself as. Maybe instead of just being victory, she could actually become the victor' that did it for me.
Overall, I think this was an excellent one-shot that you can certainly be proud of, especially as you wrote it late at night (I certainly know the feeling of suddenly coming up with a plunny when you should be sleeping!)
Thanks for the read!
Author's Response: I'm so sorry for how long it has taken me to respond to this!! There's no excuse i've just been putting off all my review responding as of late which is a bad habit to get into!
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this! I'm really pleased that you felt like Victoire was a real character experiencing real feelings. I'e always felt like the next gen kids would be a little more damaged then how they've typically been written. I suppose i just imagined up that Victoire might experience a lot of those angsty feels of not knowing where you fit in in a world of pain. life would not have gotten instantly better after the war. Anyway, i'm glad that it seemed real to you for her to experience this.
I get what you mean with the description. It's something that i try to watch but i know i've failed quite a bit with this as some of my one-shots i go a little crazy with imagery and it seems to have confused some of my readers. Thanks for pointing that out, even if it doesn't apply directly to this story. It's good to know where one could (and sometimes is) going wrong!