Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review!

Since you didn't ask for any concerns in particular, I am not going to go into a lot of detail =)

I have to say, I quite like this. This seems to be quite original, though with a touch of cliche stuff here and there which is perfectly fine xD

I am liking your main character. I think you've crafted Eden well, and her family too! I also like her "friend group", it seems to be mixed up with different sorts of people and yet not stereotypes, which is good. I am looking forward to seeing more of James and Eden's chemistry though, and see how their friendship blossoms into romance =)

The ending was quite surprising (Jacob Malfoy really? I expected Scorpius, haha) but written well nonetheless. It definitely leaves you intrigued and makes you want to read more which is definitely a good thing.

I enjoyed your narrative a lot as it had that sarcastic and humorous edge to it yet it wasn't overdone. The pace, flow, characterisation, and plot over all seems to be quite good. The story is headed in a nice direction =)

My only little criticism is that, I think you should reduce the usage of "internet language" (OMG, fyi etc.) in your narrative as it tends to disrupt the flow of a proper written piece. I know this is a next-gen piece and your character is bound to use such terms, but try not to use them so much, and if you do use them, put them in italics or something and only when she is thinking them. Make her actual dialogues be in proper english, that would make the story flow much more smoothly.

Apart from that, this was a very enjoyable read and a great start to what I am sure is a lovely story. Do keep writing and feel free to re-request a review!

8/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

P.S. In regards to what you said in your Author's Note, I think you should definitely continue this! And get a Beta to proof-read for you and help you out a little if you feel too uncertain =)

Author's Response: Hello!

I agree. I am indeed all about cliche, though what I do is, I take well known ideas and try to add my own orignal touch to it. Hopefully it'll go a different way than the rest.

I did think at first it should be Scorpius Malfoy, but then I realized that Scorpius is in a year below and Jacob Malfoy would just be a little more surprising. I've got this whole intriguing plot with Jacob and Scorpius.

Thanks for the advice, I will limit the internet language usage. It's just that sometimes I go overboard with them, as I'm so used to texting my friends.

Thank you, I was uncertain about continuing but I think that I will, and I will get a certainly get a beta!

Thanks for the lovely review AD! xo


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 984
Submit Report: