Hey I'm back with part 2 of your review!
I liked the brief backstory that you gave about Draco's parents as I felt that was important to understand exactly where he stood with them!
I don't think I've mentioned this yet, which seems odd to me, but I'll say it now! I really love how you write in 3rd person, as it allows the reader to get a perspective of all the characters, and know what they're exactly feeling. You do it so well, that you feel very attatched to them despite not knowing their exact thought!
Ok, I know I said I liked Astoria in the last chapter, I take that back now! Boy, she has some anger/muggle related issues, as I said last time, I would really love to know if there's another root to these other than being a pureblooded Slytherin.
I loved Luna though, she's just lovely with all her talk about Nargles and everything! I did feel it was a bit out of character for her to be interested in Draco's money, as I felt that someone like her were into more deeper qualities.
Wow, Ron's reaction! Pretty dramatic! I thought it was great as you showed how jealous he gets, especially as he's not even dating Hermione anymore and shouldn't have a say in who she does and doesn't see. I loved that quote by Hermione about Judas, I thought it was great! And Harry's about Astoria, he's really funny in this and I would love to see more of him and Ginny.
I loved Draco and Ron's fight scene, you could see there that they both had feelings for her, both probably not realising that they did!
One thing I did find strange was that Jean mumbled bullshit, they seem to be 2 contrasting ideas, so I think it would sound better if you said exclaimed instead of mumbled.
Overall I thought it was a really exciting and dramatic chapter and I loved it! Feel free to re-request as I really enjoy this story! Kiana :)
Author's Response: Hello again Kiana! :)
I feel it important to write in third person as like you said, it allows the reader to get a perspective of all the characters. Couldn't have said it better than myself.
I like Astoria for some reason. Eventhough so far, she's been a female dog. She's just so unique, isn't she?
Luna was certainly joking at that part (I think), like you said, she's into deeper qualities than that.
Yes I agree! They are both harbouring feelings for her, that they were unaware off. The fact that Ron needed to threaten Draco proves that. Hermione's pretty deep and smart, so only she'd say stuff like that. Harry and Ginny are funny right? And we shall definetly see more of them soon in later chapters.
The Jean part was a mistake on my part, I'll change that straight away! This is why I'm so happy when you review, I seriously need someone to point out the mistakes for me, as I skip over them!
Thanks again Kiana! xo