Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:my_voice_rising says:
hello hello hello!! I've been meaning to check out this story for a while, so I'm glad you reminded me xD

Your introduction is very captivating. It's really sad and a bit macabre. Even moreso that these poor people--victims, prisoners?--are being held like this in a public street. They're suffering in front of everyone but nobody is welling to help.

Ahh! Minor Hufflepuff characters! I am already in love. They are often overlooked during the "darker times" in HPFF, I think, but of course they were affected just the same as everyone else was! You give us a really nice look into their characters even within just the first scene. This is done particularly through Ernie acting in his 'usual pompous manner' with tears in his eyes. Agh! So sad.

There are quite a few run-on sentences here that could be broken up. One that I noticed was when they're leaving the Leaky Cauldron and stepping into the streets of London. It's such a well-written passage but is eclipsed by its lengthiness. :3

You really captured the Holocaust-esque feeling of the great war, I think. Particularly with the court scene. How frustrating; clearly Umbridge knew he went to Hogwarts, but she was trying to up her numbers and purge the "half-breeds."

I liked Justin's inner thoughts, about wishing he had never gone to Hogwarts. Everyone who has ever read HP has wanted to go to Hogwarts (I still do!) so it's really poignant that things for him and others have gotten so bad that they would rather be Muggles. Could this possibly be inspired by Les Mis? I've never seen it, but I get the feeling they're similar (in a very good way)!

Wow, the scene with Susan's death and Justin's massacre were really chilling. Really well-done. The only suggestions I have are breaking up some sentences and paragraphs into shorter parts, and working on spacing between already existing paragraphs. Really nice work though--I'm glad I finally got to read this!

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you for such a nice review :D

I know! Minor characters in general excite me, but when they are from my mothership *ahem* house, I just can't contain myself!

This really turned into the darkest of dark times! It has been bouncing around in my head for far too long! It first started out as the man that Ron hexed to save Hermione/Bellatrix but then I got the idea for this (mostly because I was rwading COS for the billionmth time) and tada!

I agree, the lengthliness is a problem, but I tried splitting it up, and it idn't look right! So for the moment, that remains, but I shall come back at a later date!

I really want to go to Hogwarts (hey! if I lather myself in anti-aging cream, I might just pull it off!) but when you think about it, magic is virtually impossible wiithout a wand, so Justin found himself in quite the predicament!

Thank you again for such a nice review :D


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 232
Submit Report: