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Review:ScarletEye158 says:
Hey there! I'm here with your requested review :)

Wow, this was such a powerful one-shot! This is already the second request where I've gotten to read a story about main characters from houses other than Gryffindor (which I don't normally do) but I'm really liking them so far!

You did a really nice job with playing off of the Hufflepuff characteristics. I could really see how Justin was trying to hold on to those for as long as possible, and Susan, even in her state was still trying as well. I can totally understand why Justin was changed by the end of the story and I thought you did an amazing job with showing that transition.

I thought the story flowed really nicely. I liked seeing it broken up into the different points instead of just one big scene and I liked how I got to see what they were going through because it wasn't talked about much in the books. Usually people focus on the Hogwarts students or the Trio during the war in fan fics, so it was cool and very different to see how the Muggle borns were being treated and what happened to them after they got their wands and identities taken away from them.

It was so heart wrenchingly sad to read what they had to go through though! D: Poor Justin, Susan, Colin and Dennis.. They probably went through more torture than Harry, Ron and Hermione did with being thrown on the streets with no one and no way to perform any magic... I could never imagine! The emotions and attitudes were definitely spot on and I really loved all of your description... little descriptive parts in stories are always some of the best parts!

The part where Justin and Astoria had the brief meet was very interesting! I could obviously tell that Astoria isn't like any of the other "Black Ones" because of the look of pity in her eyes when she looked at Justin. I'm really glad you added that part because it showed that not everyone who had family on the wrong side was evil... I just wish Justin could have seen that more down the road :/

The characterizations through the whole story were very good! Umbridge and the rest of the death eaters were very realistic and were the perfect amount of evil!

The story definitely kept my interest and made me want to keep reading, but there were a lot of grammatical errors that I know you're aware of but they did distract a bit from the reading. Make sure you always put a comma at the end of a sentence when using quotation marks! Iím also very poor at grammar, but those are the ones that stood out to me the most!

Other than those pesky commas, I thought your story was great! Your writing style is unique and I like it :) thank you for requesting!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review! :)

I'm really glad you think I got the characterization right and the fact that you said my descriptions were present is wonderful, as I am very guilty of forgetting about the surroundings and just ploughing on with the story line!

My grammar is ridiculously poor, and I am most definitely getting it read by a beta! I shall go request one now :)

Thank you again for such a wonderful review :)


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