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Review:academica says:
Hello! Thanks for the swap :)

I really like that you chose a Weasley grandchild for this story. I think Lucy fits so well, because she has plenty of relatives with talent and very diverse careers, and I'm sure she's spent a considerable portion of her life hearing stories about them at dinner and holidays and looking up to them all. I'm sure it would be intimidating to have to measure up to that!

I have to admit that the first half of this one-shot was a little slow for me. I'm always a big fan of "show" rather than "tell" when it comes to characterization. For example, instead of saying that Lucy's bad at Potions, you could have had her run across a poor grade on an essay while looking for a piece of parchment upon which to list potential careers. The first half of this felt like a really long monologue, and while that's highly appropriate for a future actress, I don't know if it's the best format in which to tell a story.

I'm also a little confused about Molly. Lucy seemed to really paint her in a bad light throughout the story until she showed up, but then she was really nice to Lucy, and they quickly resolved their differences. I would have liked to see a little more depth of character with Molly; perhaps she could make a snide remark or remind Lucy of her faults, to sort of justify Lucy's extreme portrayal of her.

I do know a little about phobias, and I like how Lucy's thoughts about failure were clearly obsessive and over the top. She seems to have thought about this quite a bit. I even got the sense that she's afraid to try anything new because she's scared that she won't end up being good at it. For instance, it makes sense that she would want to avoid the responsibility of being a leader at school.

Thanks again for the swap :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks, I'm glad you like that I chose a Weasley. Actually, I can't remember now if I chose her or if she was given to me for the challenge, but I do remember feeling very iffy about writing Lucy.

And I understand about the first bit being slow. I don't mind monologues, and sometimes when I start them they just go on and on, and I know not everyone is into that, and I see what you mean.

Yeah, Molly does sort of come off the exact opposite of what Lucy makes her out to be. And I tried to fit in with a line from Molly that she can be pushy. And maybe they don't always get along, but I think maybe that's more Lucy's doing than Molly's. She's a bit spiteful and jealous toward her older sister, more than anyone else I think, because of their dad's favoritism for Molly. But that's a good idea of maybe showing Molly push her buttons a little to add some depth to her character.

I'm really glad you liked the phobia bit though and thought it was realistic. She has thought about it a lot and I think she is a afraid of trying new things for fear of being a failure at them as well. I think being a prefect or head girl would have been difficult for her if she did receive and accept those responsibilities. I could even see her refusing them outright. One of Lucy's faults is that she doesn't take herself seriously, as Molly points out, and so she doesn't think anyone else will take her seriously either, at anything.

Thanks so much for the review swap!

xxEnigmaticEyes16


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