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Review:Courtney Dark says:
Hey there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review:)

What an interesting concept you have here! I don't think I have ever read anything quite like it and I am fascinated to know more. You have already set up a good deal of mystery in this chapter and I find myself asking questions about what is to come, which is excellent!

You are already doing a great job developing your characters-Amber Ruby Malfoy in particular. I like that she has a bit of sass, and I can definitely see the Malfoy in her already! Some of her lines are great. One of my favourites was: '"What part you imbecile?!" I bit out, anger taking over.' Simple, yer effective. I already like the dynamics between the triplets. In the next chapter, however, I hope to see more interaction between James and Amber as I did not get a very good sense of what their relationship is like in this chapter.

I liked the way you started this chapter. It was very mysterious and left me wondering what was going to happen next-in other words, it was a great hook. I have to admit though, at first the flashes from the present to the past were a little confusing and made this chapter feel a bit disjointed. In saying that, the flow of this chapter definitely improved as the story went on-especially as everything began to make more sense. I really liked the last line of the first flashback: 'If only I had known... Would have never opened that damn thing if I had known...' It left me with so many questions and made me eager to read on.

I love the concept that Draco is in Harry's debt and now that debt must be paid. I can't wait to see how everything pans out. You have done a great job with this chapter, and the interest is very high. However I would like to suggest a few things which I think will improve readership, as I really feel like this story NEEDS to be read.

Watch out for spacing issues. The paragraphs in this story a very spread out which makes it more difficult to read-but a simple edit can fix that. Also, have you considered getting a banner from TDA? One that will hook in the reader? They say don't judge a book by it's cover, but I swear banners up the reads a lot! Finally, remember this: imagery. This is one of the hardest things to do, but when you do it correctly, it really makes a story.

Thank you for the read!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi Courtney! Thanks so much for the review! It means a lot =)

Im glad you liked Amber! Yes I will be including more on Amber/James relationship from now on forward haha.

Ohh I'll try to make it less disjointed if that helps :P

I don't know any good artists or how to get a banner at TDA so no I hadn't thought of tht. Thanks for the suggestion! I'll try to look into that haha.

Ooo! Imagery! Yes I will totally try that! I am usually known to be a very descriptive writer so I guess I'll just have to start doing that again :P

Thanks once again for doing this!


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