Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:adluvshp says:
Hey there! Here for your requested review!

I quite liked this chapter. It was intriguing indeed (especially the "end" you showed in the first paragraph, I wonder if Teddy actually died), and this seems like a great setting to an interesting story :)

Your main concern was plot and characterisation, so let's get to that.

I absolutely love your plot. It's very interesting and seems quite "thrilling" if I may say so. The idea of Victoire being an auror, having to solve this murder mystery, then coming to know about Teddy being a werewolf, and having to interview him, and before that Teddy and Victoire being lovers, and then Teddy leaving her - it is all woven really well, and seems like a great plot base. I would really like to see how the story develops further.

As for the characterisations, again I really liked them. I love how you've crafted Victoire as this strong Gryffindor Auror, who loved Teddy with this tenderness, and is now loyal to her job. Her character is fleshed out nicely and reflected well through this opening chapter. The flashbacks gave some more insight into her and her relationship with Teddy too, so nice effect there.

You haven't revealed much about Teddy character-wise in this chapter though, things are still very much in the dark, but I guess that's done on purpose. I'd like to see more detail on his character in the future chapters though, and see him grow.

The other minor characters like Vic's colleagues and her friend are also portrayed well, and so is their relationship with Victoire, but I think being the opening chapter you should have shed a little more light on their characters with some more detail and description (such as on their appearances and behaviour).

That is all I had to say on the characterisation and plot. Apart from that, I have a few things to point out. Firstly, I noticed that in a few places, you tended to mix up your past and present tense. So I'd suggest to keep an eye out and maintain a tense consistency while writing. Then, you referred to Victoire as Dominique once or twice I think (which was a typo I guess), so make sure you fix that or readers can get confused! Also, your narrative flow (or scene transition) could have been better, though the current one is also not too bad.

Besides that, this was a good chapter to what seems to be an interesting story. I liked reading it. Keep writing!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by! :)

I'll definitely work on my descriptions. I agree that that, and the pace of the chapter, are probably it's biggest flaws.

I originally wrote this chapter in the present tense, and then decided that I didn't like that, but I guess I forgot to change it in some places :/ Rrr.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 857
Submit Report: