Heya, here with your requested review :')
Okay, well to be honest, you had me at Oliver Wood ;) Seriously, I was so excited to R&R this! :D
So basically, I'm gonna tell you what I do/don't like, well, not really what I don't like, but just stuff that could be improved ;) general review really and then I'll let you know of any parts which could be altered to include a little more Brit slang. I'm not fab at it, but I'll do my best! Here goes anyway!
To be honest with you, it doesn't need much improvement, I absolutely love it! It's fairly realistic and I think some people could really relate to their situation of being twenty-six and still living the high life, yet with the big three-oh looming - I love that they have an ongoing joke to show this, because it's getting slightly less funny and quite a bit more serious and scary with age.
Your characterisation was great, and I think it's cool that you've used canon characters like Lisa Turpin and Edie - I'm not sure if she's supposed to be Edith Newton or not - and Justin F.F of course :P I love all their different personalities and Dean as a political cartoonist - BRILLIANT :) He's always been an arty guy ;)
Not going to mention on description other than the fact that it was fabulous, therefore there's not much for me to pick out ;) but we were given a decent and well-balanced amount of information concerning their surroundings and actions.
Just a few things I noticed grammar-wise, more like typos rather than bad grammar though(I know you like to start sentences with 'And')
In the sentence: "...the Kenmare Kestrels victory?" there should be an apostrophe after 'Kestrels', 'cause it's their victory ;) and also: "...people are shouting to be heard by the person standing right next to him." I think it should be 'the person standing right next to them' it sounds a bitter better :)
One biggish thing I noticed in terms of Britishisms is that Brits don't say 'blocks', we're more likely to say 'streets' :)
Other words that I thought of, especially for use in this chapter, were 'Player' as another word for womaniser(though where you used it I thought womaniser worked quite well) and whenever we're going out to get drunk, we use words like 'bladdered', and 'wasted' and can often describe someone as 'off their face' if they're at the point of falling over and flirting outrageously.
Others that might come in handy are 'gutted' which basically means that you're pretty upset about something, or if someone says about something bad happening to them, another person might say "Ah, gutted." as a sort of sympathiser. Also, because I'm hoping this will come up, when someone is 'making out' with someone else we'd say they were 'snogging' or 'getting off with [whoever]' (hopefully Oliver Wood)
Anyway, I hope this is useful to you - I don't want to clog up your review with all the Brit slang that I [sometimes] use ;) but if you thought it was handy then drop me a PM sometime :)
Cheers for a brilliant read!
Author's Response: THIS REVIEW.
Ugh. Girl. I had myself at Oliver Wood. hehe.
Man. Thank you so much! Seeing all of this slang is so very helpful; I tried looking some things up online but I had no idea if it was totally out of date, or what. Seriously, the slang was *so* helpful; in fact I only knew about "snogging," haha. (Don't worry, the word will indeed come into use later... likewholealot.) And "wasted" definitely is a cross-cultural word, hehe.
Edie actually is an OC! I forgot about Edith Newton, as in had no idea that she already existed, hehe. But Justin, Lisa, Dean and Seamus are all minor characters who I think need so much more love! I'm just using Edie to bring them into the limelight ;D
Ew, I had no idea I said "the person standing next to him." How accidentally sexist of me, haha. I really thought I said "them!" I feel like Word always tries to correct it so that it says "him" instead and IT'S JUST NOT OKAY.
Thank you so very much for the review. I know it sound silly, but it means a lot to have a ~*~REAL LIFE BRITISH PERSON~*~ who likes my story. I want it to feel as authentic as possible and as far as I know it could be totally off the mark. So thanks again, so very much, for your review!