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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey girl!

Good to hear from you again :P

Alright, so this story - no Leanne anymore. Did she die? Has the war claimed her life here which has now pushed Katie back into her self destructive spiral. It fits with what we know of Katie from your other story. She knows the black market and she knows ways to get her fix. I think you've handled keeping her true to what we know of her in both stories which is great. I like her so far and i think there is a lot of development that can come from her so that is very exciting.

Your flow is fine. The only thing i found mildly distracting was the changes of POV. I think the transition from on POV to the other could be a bit smoother. It might make the first chapter seem more consistent with its tone and flow.

Oliver characterization... i have a lot of questions about him at the moment, mostly why he chose to stop Quidditch. I think his backstory will need to be addressed at some point because at the moment i find it way to unbelievable that he'd stop playing only a few years out of school. This is mostly because the main thing we know of him is his obsession with the sport and his intensity. I like how his obsession has sort of been transferred to the war but i'd really love to see that sort of characteristics come into play as the story develops. I do think he was a caring person and wouldn't just leave things alone so having him care for Katie wasn't weird because they were friends at Hogwarts i can only assume as they were on a team together. However I did find it a little odd that he already has feelings for her. It's not a normal reaction to a girl who's drunk out of her mind and clearly a huge mess. It seemed a bit too quick that he was already feeling fire from her touch. Unless he had a thing for her at Hogwarts as well.

Her alcoholism, I think it's generally well handled. There were times that she seemed to reason too logically for her state and it seemed like her speech and thought process weren't being consistent. If you're that drunk you speech would be slurred like hers was (she may even swear like crazy which she does, especially if it's someone she's familiar with) but her thought process would especially be messed up as well. Things would be foggy and unclear and putting two thoughts together, although obviously possible would take effort on her part. I like however how at the end she claims she hasn't a problem and it makes me think of all those people who say the same thing and believe they can really stop at any time and what they are doing now is only temporary.

What else i'd really like to see in this chapter is some timeline. Since Oliver and Katie aren't characters you read about everyday i don't think many are incredibly clear on their timeline, or even their year. It would be great just to be able to place this story during a specific time in the war. How many years has Katie been out of school? Or Oliver? I think that would help ground the story in canon more anyway.

I did enjoy the start of this story however and i think you have a really interesting start. I really like war stories and exploring how it might have been for minor characters. These are my favourite stories so i think you've got a really interesting start for sure! Thank you so much for requesting me and I hope you found this review helpful! :P

-zayne

Author's Response: Hi again! :) Long time no see :D

Okay, questions first. You will find out more about Leanne in the next chapter (should you choose to read it :) ). And yayyy, I am so so happy you picked up on Katie's knowledge of the black market/generally dodgy things bearing in mind what happened in Flicker and Fail -- I didn't set out to write a sequel to this when my recipient requested Katie/Oliver, but I wasn't sure how it would work without Katie/Leanne :P

The flow -- ooh, that's a good point, about POVs. I will definitely bear that one in mind for the future. The beginning of this chapter closely resembles the beginning of my OF novel in progress (just in terms of wording and things), so any feedback is greatly welcomed. I agree the POV changes are often abrupt so I will work on that.

You will find out more about Oliver's backstory in the next chapter ;) I understand that it might not be the most in character thing to do, but you'll see why he is who he is later on, again, should you wish to continue the story. :) And I've hinted here that he has feelings towards her -- that's explained more in the next chapter, too.

Yes, ha, a few people have commented on that. My, erm, only excuse is that this isn't from Katie's first person viewpoint, so while the dialogue might be slurred/unclear, her thought process wouldn't be. That's more because I wanted to translate her thoughts clearly to the reader more than anything. And yes, I do think that Katie would be in denial -- maybe she's not really an alcoholic but just in mourning more than anything. You will find out more later ;)

Okay, timeline: this is set the year after Katie has left Hogwarts -- i.e. what would have been Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts. It's during Christmas of that year. Perhaps I should put that in my author's notes -- I thought it sounded clunky whenever I tried to insert it into the story itself.

Yay, it means so much that you enjoyed this! I do love my minor characters, and I also love war stories, which is why I like writing them. Thank you for the lovely review! :)

Soraya x


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