|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
Hey there! It's me again, thank you for re-requesting!
I have to admit, this chapter definitely wasn't what I was expecting. In saying that, I really, really enjoyed it, and your characterization of Jack is starting to come along very nicely.
It was a strange way to start, what with Jack at Madam Malkins but it worked, nevertheless. I think this scene really showed what a struggle it must be for Jack, living among witches and wizards and those who are not at all like him. I thought the last line of the first scene was just perfect-'“Oh, I see. So you’re English then? I was wondering because, you know, I can’t remember anyone not being able to use a mirror out of cultural reasons before,” she mused conversationally. “Thought maybe you were from someplace exotic….” Love it!
I like that, at times, you have a humourous look at vampires. Like the fact that Jack can't talk very much in public in fear of revealing his fangs and that he's awful with girls. I thought his interactions with said girls was very funny. You have sense of humour that seems to come naturally. This bit: '“So you like…drink blood?”
“Ew,” the girls chorused, screwing up their lip-glossed mouths into identical pouts' was absolutely gold, and just classically perfect! The girls seemed slightly bimboish which worked really well.
I can't wait to see you develop Jack's character even more, and I am hoping that we will start to see some other main characters coming forward. Nice work on this chapter-it was much more balanced than the first and worked very well.
Author's Response: Hey, thank you for getting back to me :D
As you probably guessed, this was very much an exposition chapter, haha, but one that I hope was still a bit more than just an infodump. Since vampires are so rare in HP, I felt that I had to introduce the struggles of their daily existence in greater detail than I would with a different kind of character. I'm happy that you found some of his struggles funny, I was going for that! It's not generally easy to make vampires funny, but I think in HP they just are.
The last sentence of the first scene is my favourite too! It's great that you noticed it. I feel that I accomplished several things with it, such as underline Jack's awkwardness and also remind the reader that vampires can't see their own reflection, which is relevant for later in the story.
The bimbos I was worried about, very much, because a bimbo in a story is usually a bad sign about the intellectual quality of the story...and I had not only one, but three! I'm happy you seem to think it worked nevertheless and I promise that these girls are far from done with Jack, hehe.
More main characters and character development are indeed on the menu for chapter three :) Thank you for the review!