Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey, it's patronus_charm with your review!

The first thing I noticed about this story, was the massive gaps in between the paragraphs, I personally find that the fact you have to scroll down more frequently as a result of that, disrupts the flow, so perhaps if you made the gaps only 1 line or 2 it would be better :D

I thought it was really sweet and funny, how Hermione was still correcting Ron and Harry's work. I also liked how you stayed true to her character, by being a loyal friend, and her famous traits, of being hardworking and organised! I did sometimes find that her dialogue didn't always match to her thoughts so it was a bit confusing at times in that respect.

I thought it was great that you made Hermione an auror as I always knew she would make a great one, so I was rather disappointed that JK didn't make her one!

I thought that the whole spy thing between Draco, Kingsley, Hermione and Harry was great and especially the whole spy talk and 0900 hours. I was a little confused as to why Hermione needed to wear an invisibility cloak, so perhaps if you added some more clarity to that?

Hermione and Draco having to pretend to be boyfriend/girlfriend is used a lot, mainly because it makes such great stories. So make sure that your story remains original through out, so the readers don't have to read something cliche.

As for Draco's characterization I thought it was good, as you got the whole moody rebellious vibe perfectly, and I am excited to see how you continue this on.

Overall I thought it was a good start, if you just consider the points of advice I gave you, it will make the story even better! Kiana :)

Author's Response: patronus_charm

I have noticed that posting on this site tends to be a bit tedious due to the spacing issues. The site always adds a line when I hit preview and then again when I hit Save Chapter. It's super annoying. Either way I'll try to fix it.

I'll re-read the chapter and see if I can see what you are talking about in regards to the dialouge not matching her thoughts.

I've always thought that she would make a great Auror and I'm shocked that JK didn't make her one.

Hermione had to wear the cloak because Kingsley is pretty sure there might be a spy within the Ministry. Therefore, Hermione can't be seen meeting with Draco as a female who aced her concealing portion of her Auror Training. If there was a spy he might put two and two together when Draco shows up with a new girlfriend. Plus, I don't want Draco to know it is Hermione yet.

Hope my story doesn't become cliche and my plot line stays original.

Thank you for the review and tips.

Meg


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 918
Submit Report: