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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
I'll be honest, I didn't even know you were writing again until I saw your status update on the forums. Someone who is as good at reviewing as you are should definitely post more stories.

This, I thought, was kind of adorable. It's short, yes, but it's also very sweet, though with a hint of melancholy on the part of Celestina. Her sense of fatigue really came through in the beginning, but I like how it seemed to fade the moment she stepped out onto the stage.

I thought the writing itself was also good. It definitely doesn't read like someone who hasn't done a lot of writing of late. I thought everything from "There was a discreet tap..." onward was particularly well done. The writing felt clean and tight. If you're looking for CC, the only thing I noticed were a few "unnecessary" words near the beginning. For example, I don't think you need both warm-up and exercises. Vocal warm-ups or vocal exercises would suffice. Same with "few moments of undisturbed peace to herself." A few moments of undisturbed peace, or a few minutes to herself would be enough to convey the meaning.

But those are just little nitpicks; I just couldn't find anything else to offer suggestions on. Overall, this was a super cute read. I hope you win the challenge ;)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I'm gratified that you remarked on Celestina's sense of fatigue and how it faded onstage. That is precisely what I was trying to convey, and it's always good to know it was obvious to a reader.

I actually find it quite interesting that you identified the discreet tap line as a dividing point. That was my first line, initially, and then I wrote on from there. However, I hadn't reached 500 words by the time I reached my intended last line (it just occurred to me that I often have a last line in mind when I write). I went and added stuff to the front, but I think to a discerning reader such as yourself, it's obvious that the tacked-on beginning is not quite in sync with the rest.

I see what you mean about repetitive wording, and I agree. I absolutely have a tendency to be excessively wordy. Even when I've edited a story quite a bit, which was definitely not the case here, I find myself tempted to add words rather than remove them.

I did win the challenge, but I was also the only one who finished their story. :P


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