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Review:academica says:
Hello! I'm stopping by for Slytherin Review Tag :)

I really love the imagery you have in this piece. I think it does a great job of setting the scene and pulling the reader in, which is helpful especially when you're writing a story set in a bygone era like this. For example, I liked the line where Salazar thought about his chills being like "slippery friends" sliding up his body.

I'm working on a Founders story now, too, and I know that getting the dialogue right was really tough for me (and continues to be!). Some of what you have here is really great, but some of it doesn't quite fit. For example, it seems like Helga would ask that Salazar not be "angry" rather than "mad." I also had a hard time picturing Salazar saying sarcastically that he's having the time of his life; I think a sarcastic retort would fit perfectly with his characterization here, but I think the one you chose sounds a little too modern for him. There are other examples later in the story, but I just picked these to show you what I'm talking about.

I don't think I've ever read anything about the Founders as kids, so that was really interesting! I liked how you set it up so that Salazar's village was like the home base, the way that he met the other Founders. I can see how he could have felt alienated and inadequate even among his new friends, with Rowena being so smart and Godric so brave and noble. I also liked getting his back story and the way you tied it to Godric's mother's death.

I also liked how you began to show Salazar's strength as the story went on. He went from feeling inadequate to being strong enough to kill people, to being full of rage. It's interesting how his hatred of Muggles was the focus of his anger; clearly he resents them for what happened to his mother, but it's almost like he killed them because he couldn't harm Rowena and Godric instead.

The ending was intriguing, too. I like how the story came full circle with Salazar remembering all these significant events in his life from his deathbed. It was nice that he got some sense of closure from Rowena, though I'm sad to see none from Godric. Clearly the rift between them was very, very deep.

This was a nice job for your first Founders story! I thought that the setting and description were the strongest points, and though the dialogue could use some work in certain places, I think the story as a whole is an interesting look into the Founders.


Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the review:)

What??? You liked my imagery!! Phew. I am constantly getting told I "need more imagery" so that means a lot.

Argh, the dialogue is a real struggle, so I might have to go back and have a little look at that. This is the first time I ever ventured into the world of founders, so thanks for pointing those out.

It was interesting trying to imagine what the Founders childhoods were like and how they met so I'm glad you liked that-and the ending, too!

Thanks for the great review-it was very helpful.

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