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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey! I've come for your requested review :P

I really like how you've characterized Dominique in this piece. I think she's adjusting to the trauma in her life as you might expect. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like if i saw the future of people i love. Or saw their death as she saw her sisters. That would throw me so much and i think i'd probably hide as well because how else are you supposed to deal with it? I think they'd either do how you wrote it or they'd try and fix it and go a bit mental trying to make all the bad things she sees good. I like how you chose to write it though and i think it fit her character well. I found it really interesting that she had to pretend to be someone else to get these answers and to be able to talk to her loved ones. It makes me see how detached from everything she must have felt and knew after the incident.

Your other characterizations were good too i think. We don't know a lot about any of the characters you wrote about so it was really neat to be able to see your view of their family relations. I wanted to see a section of Louis pov (since you included Fleur's and Victoire's) or at least, an explanation to why he wasn't included in the questioning. I especially liked the section with Roxanne, I felt that it would have been one of George's kids who'd act like things were normal and just be a friend to the person. it was how the twins were like to Harry.

Your flow is generally smooth, though i might go over it again as some of the sentences were a bit long and had some syntax errors. It's small things like that that will make your writing easier to read and put the readers into the mood of your story. The flow of your overarching arc of your story line did feel a little rushed. I think i would have liked to see the first segment a little more in depth, it's mostly dialogue at that point. I think that if you included some of her insecurities and raw fears before her realization I think the final segment would flow better. For instance, perhaps introduce the idea of her hating people dancing around her or that she feels trapped, alone and needs someone to blame. It gives us as the readers the question why she's feeling that way and makes us want to read on so that they are answered. It'll help us feel more invested in the outcome.

Your dialogue is fine, i think it flows naturally enough for their situation. They probably don't want to open up to a stranger but know they have to say something to the supposed Ministry official. There is that awkwardness to it but i think that probably stems from the fact that they are supposed to be strangers. So good job with that.

Overall, i think you have an interesting story here and a lot that could potentially be explored past this point as well which is exciting if you ever plan to expand this idea. Thank you for requesting me and I really hope you found this review helpful and that i answered all your questions satisfactory.

-zayne

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your extremely long review! I actually considered leaving the opportunity for Dominique to change the consequences of Victoire's death - not to change -everything- but just to save a life - in the future, but it didn't fit with the theme of the story. I'm really glad that you found the idea of her disguise interesting; it came almost at the end of the one-shot, which meant I had to re-write what had previously been internal monologues from each of the characters, and I'm relieved that it was worth it!

I kind of had the idea that the incident would have happened during the summer after Dominique graduated - sometime in late August - and her reaction to being cursed would have occured (factoring in hospitalization / recovering time) sometime after Louis had returned to school. I see your point though, and I'll get on fixing that. :) Haha - my head-canon is that Freddie and Roxanne are in Victoire and Dominique's years respectively, and that Louis is much younger and is in James II's year, with Molly II being in with Albus and Rose, and Lucy with Lily II and Hugo. (The Scamander twins are in Dom's year.) It's much easier for me to handle the dates then, and lessen the chance of accidentally creating plotholes. ;)

The first segment - did you mean the conversation between Dominique and Mrs Kettering, or Bill's interview? If it was the former, I felt that I didn't want to include too much detail or I'd spoil the plot twist. If it was the latter, I felt that Bill's POV would be the most interesting to explore, and that he could explain the situation (ish) because he was there, right next to Dominique, when she was cursed.

To be honest with you, I did think I had dropped enough hints about her wanting someone to blame up until the end - but then again, I'm the author and I know the story (and the bits that didn't make it in) so obviously I would think that. :P I'll definitely take into account what you've said, and try and rework that segment. :)

Ah. That may be due to my re-write. :/ I'm glad that I can pass it off as the Ministry official being present, though, and I suppose a part of it is, anyway.

The review was definitely helpful and you did help to point out what I was worried about. Thank you so much! ♥


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