|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
Hello there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review!
First of all: HOW CAN YOU THINK THIS STORY IS BORING??? I already love it and I've only read one chapter! So you'd better hurry up and get your muse back and then re-request because I am already dying to read more! This is exactly the sort of thing I love to read!
There is honestly nothing wrong with this first chapter, in my opinion. I love Ellie and her characterization, love Rose, love Albus, love their dad, love the fact that Ellie can see ghosts...gah! Need I say more? Yes, I will say more, because I always attempt to make my reviews insightful. Ahem.
I loved the way you started this chapter. It was all very mysterious and set up the mood perfectly. The first four lines, especially; 'You know your life ain’t normal when you can see dead people' was great and if you keep writing like that, you'll be gold in my books. I love the interaction between Ellie and her great-grandmother. It was mysterious and exciting and five year old Ellie was very cute. I loved the lines: '“What gift? I got a few today, but –”
“Not those gifts!” She’d said, laughing.'
It seemed exactly the thing a five year old would say, and the way an older family member would react. I am especially curious to learn more about Ellie's gift and what it has to do with this plot that I am hearing about...
I liked the scene in the kitchen with Ellie, Chris and Albus. All of their personalities shined through perfectly-you are doing a great job setting up their personalities. I really, really love Ellie's character-I honestly can't say that enough. Some of the lines she says are so funny and sarcastic and just spot on. And I already love the dynamics between her and Albus (the whole hate thing is a little cliche but I honestly don't care. I love a good love-hate relationship, I write and read them all the time!) The banter between Ellie and Albus was just so perfect. I felt myself smiling the whole way through it. I think one of my favourite lines was; ' “Are males physically incapable of getting a bloody glass?” I muttered in disgust.' Oh and, '“Potter! You can’t just barge into people’s homes like this!” I cried' and ' “Are you in the habit of drinking juice straight from the carton from other people’s fridges?” and...okay. I'm going to stop now before I come off sounding like a complete weirdo.
Rose also seems like a great character. I love that she seems to have gained some of Ron's characteristics and some of Hermione's traits which makes her a much more believable character-she seems very balanced. I think one of my favourite Rose/Ellie interactions was this: '“I’ll never understand your belief in all of this, Rose. I mean, you’re one of the smartest people I know, but how can you buy into all of this Divination crap?” I asked as scrutinised the spines of a shelf of books.
“You sound just like Mum, when you talk like that, you know,” Rose answered.'
Okay. I'm going to stop quoting now because otherwise I'll just end up quoting the whole bloody story.
I really liked Ellie's reaction to Madame Cassandra when she was reading her fortune. Her witty little comments to everything she said were just perfect! My favourite was (yes, I'm quoting again. I apologise profusely) '“Suffering…” With Albus Severus Potter in my life, of course there would be suffering.' Oh and the last line of this chapter...so perfect.
I honestly can't wait to read more so please, please get your muse back as soon as possible! I'm looking forward to reading what happens next!
Author's Response: Aww! I don't mind all the quoting! I'm so flattered that you want to quote me in the first place!
And I don't know how I thought the story was boring! I just lost inspiration for it, I guess. But I'm glad that you enjoyed it so much! And I shall definitely re-request, once I write the next chapter!
And you like Ellie? That's good. I find it really difficult to read a story where I don't like the main character, especially when I'm supposed to. And she's a definite piece of work! And yes - her "gift" proves useful!
Do you know how difficult it was to write that kitchen scene, so how much your wonderful words of praise mean? Well, they mean a lot. I was worried that the Ellie/Chris/Albus interaction would feel artificial, but it's such a relief to hear that it worked! Chris' personality definitely needs more work - which will happen!
And yes, the hate-at-first-sight thing is really cliche, but how I adore cliches! And it's good to hear that you smiled through it! That was the aim!
I think Rose is my favourite character at the moment. You're right, she's smart like Hermione, but she's so much like Ron too!
And if you liked Madame Cassandra - she comes back!
Thank you so much once again for your lovely review!
PS: I had a lot of fun with the "Suffering..." line. I think it's one of my favourites from this chapter (is it weird for authors to have favourite lines from their own work? Probs.)!