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Review:Courtney Dark says:
Hello there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review:)

You said that you were concerned your chapters were too short. When I first started reading this chapter my first thought was that you needed to add more imagery. However, as I continued reading, I felt as though you definitely eased into the chapter and the pace became a lot better as did the little details you included and the general feel of the chapter. However, I would still suggest going back and finding places were you could add extra descriptions. Not only does imagery lengthen a chapter, it also makes the story a lot more believable and helps the reader to imagine them self in the setting.

I think the weakest part of this chapter was library scene, where Lily and Hugo were playing chess. I felt as though this scene was a little disjointed, and perhaps some details here and there could really help fix that up.

I thought this bit: 'It drove Grandma Weasley and his mum mad that Uncle George sent that they called ‘contraband’ to the younger cousins, yet the packages still came every month and the school was never entirely free of Canary Creams and Portable Swamps' was very funny and completely appropriate-for me it described exactly how George would be as an adult, and I can totally imagine him supporting his nieces and nephews pranking endeavors!

I think that you have started to develop your main characters very nicely. Manx seems to be a very unusual and mysterious character and I am looking forward to finding out more about her. I also wonder what it will be (if anything) that draws she and Albus together. I also like your characterization of Albus so far-you seem to have portrayed him quite differently from the other Albus fanfictions I have read, which I love. And I really enjoyed reading these few lines:

“You just had to bring him into the conversation, didn’t you?” Al groaned. “And as a side note, whenever someone talks about smart people, they always say my name.”

“You’ve been stuck in the same essay for two weeks,” Hugo pointed out.

“Oi! Support me.”

Nice touch of humour to the chapter! In saying all that, I think James is my favourite character so far, even though we haven't seen a lot of him. I loved the way he greeted Al and the others with a simple cry of "Family!" I don't know why, but I found that very funny. You said that James was funny, amicable and a trouble-making extraordinaire. Based on these, traits, I feel as though you have aced his personality. Every single thing he says is just perfect. I think my favourite was: '“You people give our family a bad reputation. Who sleeps before midnight anyway?”'

There are just a few more things I would like to point out, and I apologize if this review is long and rambling. I thought the scene with the fat lady was a nice touch and the very last line was just perfect. It definitely made me curious to know what is going to happen in the next chapter. I noticed a few spelling and grammar errors here and there-such as 'Chest' should be 'Chess' and in the sentence 'and besides, you’re sister is about as helpful under pressure as a wounded dragon', 'you're' should be 'your.' However, I spotted nothing major enough to interrupt the flow of the story, which is always good.

Thanks for the great read-you did a really good job on this chapter!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi Courtney!
Thank you for stopping by. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Did you get a chance to read pass chapter one? I know the beginning is a little slow but I wanted to introduce the characters in a way that seems natural for their setting. What do students do during break? Procrastinate. What do they do after break? Cram in all their work into one night.
I'm super happy that you like James. For the most part, he's a funny guy and he is actually a wonderful brother. Sure he'll have some moments when he's not the nicest kid on the block but in a bind, Albus and the rest of his family are his first priority.
I'll try my hardest to catch the spelling mistakes the next time. Stop by the other chapters if you can. I would love to hear more from you.
Thanks!
Chair


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